View Full Version : Getting a girl to be aggressive?
TCBA_Joe
10-07-2005, 23:17
Ok, in my club we just had a new girl Krystal join... our 2nd. This is the first time shes ever done MA and it shows. she is very passive and hangs toward the back while I'm getting thrown around by our Sihon naomi, who wont be here next year. Naomi is very aggressive, almost one of the guys and has always been that way. Krystal doesnt have that personality. I wanted to know if you people had ways to get girls to be much more outgoing and aggressive and confident. We were thinking maybe suiting up in full sparring gear and having her come after us. Anything else you guys could suggest?
Sapphire
10-08-2005, 00:01
some gals are like that. It's just part of their personality; something that's not normally changed. But one thing I've noticed in girls like that, if they're pissed, get out of their way. :D
Take it from a ladies man ;)
Sapphire
10-08-2005, 00:15
Ok I'll quit with the ladies man jokes now.
In our MA school we have several teen girls exactly like that. I think one of the reasons that they are still going strong in the MA is because several of them, not just the girls, are good friends with each other. As they progressed though the belt levels, they made friends with each and are more confortable with working with those friends. We also got another new teen girl in our class and she's doing very well. Why? Because the other students became friends with her almost immediatley. Think about it, wouldn't you be shy in a new activity in which you didn't know anybody?
Another thing, don't put her in the full gear until she knows the basic techniques. Get her involved in forms before sparring. Girls tend to like the flowing, rythemic (<-that's not spelt right) pattern of forms better than the free sparring.
Hope this helps.
CHOKYONIM
10-08-2005, 00:31
show her one really good move that just puts someone on their ***, then have do it a million times, then another move and another her agression will come soon enough. thats one thing girls have never been good at is just beating things up, boys do it from birth we are born to kill.....all you have to do it show girls how mucg fun it is!
pil sung! :bow:
With all due respect, there are an awful lot of generalizations here. :rolleyes:
I admit a lot of pressure is put on women [from a very young age] to act/look/dress a certain "way." That is only the exterior. Women are plenty physical and plenty aggressive. I also know plenty of female MA's who despise forms - they would rather be on the mats grappling or sparring.
As to the original post. She may very well be one of those "hang back and watch/learn" type of people. Not everyone barrels straight into the mix. She will come around when she is ready. Keep her active in the meantime - don't let her sit out during sparring times.
poetic misjustice
10-08-2005, 11:27
just get her involved a bit more, ask her to help in demonstrations, ask her to spar with you, sometimes it's a confidence thing.
TCBA_Joe
10-08-2005, 11:36
Another thing, don't put her in the full gear until she knows the basic techniques. Get her involved in forms before sparring. Girls tend to like the flowing, rythemic (<-that's not spelt right) pattern of forms better than the free sparring.
we werent thinking about having her spar yet, just one of us putting on the sparring gear and her being able to basically take it out on one of us. show her hitting is ok kinda thing.
thanks for the help
Tell her she's fat. She'll become aggressive.
Why do you want her to change? She obviously knows how to survive as passive. If she is serioulsy interfering with the class then she should be encoraged to find another methodology she is more comfortable with but if she is doing and keeping up, who cares if she is aggressive about it yet??
A martial art style should be big enought to bring along every personality type.
poetic misjustice
10-08-2005, 13:23
Tell her she's fat. She'll become aggressive.
wouldn't she simply be psychotic? thats what they usually do, it's not a pretty sight.
Jeff Burger
10-08-2005, 13:24
Im with Ted.
If for soem other reason you want her to be aggressive, just make her see the benefits.
Jeff
Well, she just joined. She's probably not fully comfortable with everybody yet in order for her to become aggressive.
In this case, I actually don't think it's a female thing. I'm always like that when starting something new with people I don't know.
I know people have already said this, but just give her time to get familiar and comfortable with everything while keeping her active and making her feel like she belongs. She may feel like a bit of an outsider for the first while. After she knows everybody and is confident that she knows how everything works and what to do, she should get better.
Aieeee! Don't you just hate it when people try to change you? She probably feels the same way.
If you or anyone else are trying to prescript her behavior you are doomed to be very frustrated and you will likely make her feel more insecure which is the opposite of what you are going for here.
Is her non-aggression getting in the way of the class? If it isn't then don't worry. If it is then focus on the specific problem- for instance, if she isn't following through on her attacks then comment on that and not a vague "she isn't aggressive enough". That'll probably be much more helpful to her.
The way to increase people's self-confidence is to allow them to experiment for themselves and to be in control of the situation.
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Tell her she's fat. She'll become aggressive.
Erik, if you ever do this to me I'll sit on you then you'll be sorry :laugh:
Agression is not the only way!! I think martial arts is about preservation not agression!!
Neil Yamamoto
10-11-2005, 00:11
Heck, three shots of tequila always seems to work on the women I see in bars. Oh, wait, she still has to train, make it two shots.
And tell her she's fat like Eric suggested. :)
Margaret Lo
10-11-2005, 11:45
First, whose job is it to teach this new girl? When it comes to any new student, let the teacher set the pace. Whatever ideas you may have, you had better run it by the teacher before trying it out on her.
Second, passivity and hanging back may be wise for a new person. People learn at different rates, and experienced people always forget how steep a learning curve raw beginners have. Maybe you should let her have some more time - minimum 3 months.
Third, people who are quiet by nature can, if they have determination in his or her personality, stay the course in MA very well. But this works only if they like what they are doing. People like this aren't hasty and form their opinions gradually. If you force them to advance too fast, they may dislike training.
Finally, some people are not suitable for MA.
All of the above require something you're not giving her. Time to participate and observe. Try 3 months before you push her.
M
I totally agree with Margaret, I also am by nature a quiet person and like to observe new situations before attempting just because she isn't aggressive now in no way means she won't be in the future!.
Give her time! in the end she just might be one of the better sparring partners!.
Sue
TCBA_Joe
10-11-2005, 12:18
thanks for the help people. no, i'm not the "instructor" but our club is set up considerably differant the most. i'm our club's go to guy, idea guy, and even though i dont teach MA, i am a ski instructor and i regularly work with people and know how people think when it comes to learning a new phsical skill and gaining confidence. i know how its done onsnow, i just was wondering how its done on the mat.
I guess I was just looking for ideas to pass to one of the clubs officers since we were just talking about it the other day. for all you people who say passivity is a bad thing in MA, i'm sorry, but girls who are passive in a real fight stand very little chance. we're not looking for a personality change, shes a great person. we were just wondering about being more aggressive when it comes to throwing a punch or having to hit someone. just curious is all. sorry it seems that i have somehow offended some of you.
but girls who are passive in a real fight stand very little chance.
Martial arts does not equal fighting.
Sparring does not equal fighting.
And neither equal self defence, either.
Margaret Lo
10-11-2005, 14:17
Martial arts does not equal fighting.
Sparring does not equal fighting.
And neither equal self defence, either.
Aggressive posturing I don't think works for women in any event. It rather invites a crushing. Better the sneak attack IMO.
Being far outclassed physically, a girl would be wise to hang back and judge before messing around with men since the risk of harm is all hers. I'm sure Joe's club is full of good people but in any new setting the first question for any newbie should be: "can I trust these people with my body?" Maybe you guys are just being evaluated.
M
MarcoPolo
10-11-2005, 15:57
Tell her she's fat. She'll become aggressive.
Dang, Erik. I just spit water on my desk! "THAT'S NOT RIGHT!" LOL!
I hope you didn't short out your keyboard, Marc!
:laugh:
I hope you didn't short out your keyboard, Marc!
If we don't hear from him in a while, we'll know what happend. ;)
I guess I was just looking for ideas to pass to one of the clubs officers since we were just talking about it the other day. for all you people who say passivity is a bad thing in MA, i'm sorry, but girls who are passive in a real fight stand very little chance.
Real life is strange, passivity sometimes "works". Quite a few years ago I heard a women talk who was attacked by one of the famous serial killers in LA (I don't remember which one...). As I recall, he broke in through a glass sliding door came into her bedroom. She woke up and immediately figured out who he was and decided that she would do whatever it took to survive. She pretended that she was maschochistic and enjoyed it when the serial killer raped her, broke her arm and several other bones. Her reaction confused the killer and she was able to use his confusion to mainpulate him. She ended the attack by "making another date" with the killer, walked him to the door, kissed him then made him promise that he would come see her again. Then she watched him walk to his vehicle and waved as he drove off (and noted the liscense plate number). She is the only known victem of his who lived. Once he left, she called the police and was instramental in the killer's arrest and conviction.
we're not looking for a personality change, shes a great person.
Good, glad to hear that.
we were just wondering about being more aggressive when it comes to throwing a punch or having to hit someone. just curious is all.
Not knowing her, and not having seen your class I don't know what's going on. So consider this. I am a big girl, and when I am healthy I am very strong. I have been in fights and once- way before I ever took an MA class - I think that badly hurt someone who attacked me and it all happened so quickly I don't even know how. And I didn't stick around long enough to find out how badly he was hurt. Whenever I spar, I am very consious of the fact that I don't want to hurt my training partner. This makes me very hesistent (sp?) and I probably appear passive when I spar especially when I don't know the level of my partner.
sorry it seems that i have somehow offended some of you.
If you ever offend me, I'll tell you ;)
Erik: I dont think that a girl will be agressive enough to wrack you with your sentence.
Before you let this sentence loose you better start to loose weight as well. I can say this for you too. And i dont think that this what you carry are all muscles. lololololol. And do not come to me crying i can not loose weight. You better start changing your eating habit. I lost 25 pounds since last year and now im getting more tone finely. Thanks to my sensei.
A woman who is shy might need a lot of self confidence. ERIK she goes to the club to gain it NOT to loose it. Some girls or boys do eat because of what people are telling them.
With all due respect, there are an awful lot of generalizations here. :rolleyes:
I admit a lot of pressure is put on women [from a very young age] to act/look/dress a certain "way." That is only the exterior. Women are plenty physical and plenty aggressive. I also know plenty of female MA's who despise forms - they would rather be on the mats grappling or sparring.
As to the original post. She may very well be one of those "hang back and watch/learn" type of people. Not everyone barrels straight into the mix. She will come around when she is ready. Keep her active in the meantime - don't let her sit out during sparring times.
This makes alot of sense to me. Most of the training I've done has been predominantly male, but most of the females have been very aggressive. Alot of them do show up with a sort of timid attitude (as do most guys), especially if there's alot of yelling and hitting going on. However, girls definitely get down and dirty if you encourage them to participate and try not to take it too easy on them. This seems like a patronistic thing to do, and they can definitely tell. I'm no teacher, but I usually come off as the nice guy in class so alot of people look at me as someone who wouldn't try to hurt them during a drill or sparring.
Aikido_Girl918
10-15-2005, 19:45
okay, the way you talk about her, you imply that she is young, right? well, take it from a 13-year-old female passive Martial Artist. maybe you just don't understand her, i act passive in the dojo, and in real life (if i am not POed), however, when in fights (it was only against my uncles), i am very aggressive. you train so that you don't have to fight, so acting aggressive only gets people to tell you more often that you train to learn not to fight. plus, if you act passive, and people pick on you, you can surprise them even more when you take them into a control hold for trying to hit you or something.
The same way you make men do it. We use the same systems for developing aggression in both.
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