Chuck Norris is...

[Stauds]

Some true facts about Chuck Norris:

1.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits

3.Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

4.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

5.Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

6.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

7.Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

8.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

9.Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

10.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

11.One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

12. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father

13.Chuck Norris is the reason Waldow is hiding

14.In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.


****I will add more soon... feel free to add your own..

[khujo78]

7.Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

8.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

lol, my favorite ones....also, dont forget that whenever chuck breaks wind, a new continent is formed

[Stauds]

Chuck Norris once played Texas Hold 'Em poker with George W. Bush Jr. and Bill Clinton. When President Bush asked how both Chuck Norris and Bill Clinton had played the ace of diamonds at the same time, Chuck Norris stood up and kicked Bill Clinton in the face for cheating. After George Bush noticed cards hidden in Chuck Norris' pants pocket and yelled, "You're cheating!" Chuck Norris stood up and kicked George Bush in the face for yelling in the presence of Chuck Norris.

Despite his doctor's and family's strong objection, Chuck Norris began drinking gasoline each morning. Much to everyone's surprise, he gets 94 miles per gallon.

Instead of finding two of every animal, to save time, Noah simply one female of each species and then Chuck Norris onto the ark. The animal kingdom lives on.

Chuck Norris can read Braille with his scrotum.

The United States is currently planning to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and sent her away, balling. He bellowed, "Don't f*** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Sting once got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. The impact of the blow sent him half way into the pacific ocean. This ultimately resulted in the song "Message in a Bottle". When the album hit stores Chuck sued Sting on the premise of artistic inspiration, and won. The settlement was four cheeseburgers, a large coke, and another roundhouse kick to the face. The result this time was the song "Walking on the Moon".


all from: http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

[Luebbers]

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.



That is awesome. I'm so going to steal that for something.

[Ramirez]

Eddy, I love your avatar - brilliant.

"babies, I got a fever and the only prescription is - more cowbell!"

[Luebbers]

Eddy, I love your avatar - brilliant.

"babies, I got a fever and the only prescription is - more cowbell!"

I'm trying to get a friend of mine who instructs TKD to use this in class. The next time he's drilling a certain move ad nauseum he'll say, "Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription is more front kick!"

[Stauds]

Eddy, I love your avatar - brilliant.

"babies, I got a fever and the only prescription is - more cowbell!"

Thanx, I saw it on another forum, and I just had to take it :laugh:

[jjaje]

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment Chuck roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

[Eye4NEye]

Chuck Norris once went skydiving without a parachute. Just before he reached the ground, he roundhouse kicked gravity, and to this day continues to orbit the earth.

[MMAfighter]

LOL my god these are ****ing great

[Webmaster]

LOL my god these are ****ing great
What the language junior! :mad:

[DragonMind]

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment Chuck roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
Now explain disco... :eek:

[jjaje]

Disco was created by the Soviet Government to distract America from stockpiling Nukes and fighting the Cold War. Chuck Norris used roundhouse kicks to save all of our sorry behinds. That big mark on Gorbachev's head - Chuck Norris allowed him to survive the roundhouse kick with nothing else but a big scar. Brezhnev, Andropov and Chernenko didn't survive the roundhouse.

This also explains John Travolta's career. How else do you explain doing "Battlefield Earth" and "Look who's talking" and "Face Off" except as brain damage from a roundhouse kick?

[Abbax8]

I once heard Chuck Norris tell a story how one time he was having a party at his home. Lots of MA friends there. They moved a stack of wood for a Bar-B-Que only to find a rattle snake in the pile. He said if someone had a movie camera it would be priceless, all these MA's screaming and grabbing for shovels.

Peace

Dennis

[MMAfighter]

What the language junior! :mad:
whoops, haha i forgot i was on budoseek...hehehe i thought i was on subfighter

[jjaje]

whoops, haha i forgot i was on budoseek...hehehe i thought i was on subfighter

Being a gentleperson whom holds themselves to a high standard knows not the difference.

[jwinch2]

There is a great list out there on Mr T. also. Lots of "pitying of fools" going on...

[Stauds]

Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

***Deleted by Webmaster***

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

***Deleted by Webmaster***

I like these ones :laugh:

[Webmaster]

I like these ones :laugh:
And several are inappropriate for the mixed (age wise) crowd that we have here. So let's keep it clean, OK?

[Aikido_Girl918]

Now explain disco... :eek:
That's easy! Chuck Norris tried to learn to dance. Both his parents and dance instructor forced him to find a new activity.

[Stauds]

And several are inappropriate for the mixed (age wise) crowd that we have here. So let's keep it clean, OK?
Apologies. Won't happen again.