Friend of Mine...

[Mudbuddah]

I am 19 years old and have been training in Martial arts on and off since I was quite young. A friend of mine who, I've known for quite sometime, was always interested in martial arts finally started training recently in Bo Jutsu and Iado at a chain dojo (They have many locations) which teaches a myriad of styles. He's sort of a niave and sometimes arrogant guy and I was always hoping that martial arts would calm him down like it did for me. But it just seems like he's being more arrogant now that he knows a few tricks.

He now always talks about how he thinks MA is his second nature and how he can beat me with his new skills (especially in front of his girlfriend). It really gets on my nerves. To make matters worse he's only attended literally 4 or 5 classes and he's already been selected to test for his next rank and caoxed, by his sensai, into joining a basic forms tournament (!?) (Which makes me question the Dojo he's attending). So now he thinks he's got some hidden talent and can take on anyone, especially me. I've always trained in weaponless systems but eventually he's gonna get into Karate and probably try to challenge me or something like that.

Any advice on dealing with these types of people? Any thoughts about his ridiculously fast advancment?

(I've heard that some chain or commercial Dojos, like the one he's going to, like to push people through the levels really quickly so that they can get their BB's and feel like they got what they paid for.) :(

[David Craik]

Sounds like he may be training at a McDojo.

He says he can "beat" you with bojutsu or iaido...while you're unarmed? Guy sounds like a complete douchebag and I'd tell him as much. I'd also find a new friend, being not real big on hanging out with tools.

[TonyU]

Well it appears from the following post that you like to show off and do a little bragging yourself.
http://www.budoseek.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=175247#post175247
Between him and you it's a recipe for trouble. Ignore him and conduct yourself
in a mature and humble manner.
Also, no matter what the circumstances are, do not allow yourself to be drawn into a match.

[Jeff C.]

Sounds like a Clash of the Egos. If one of you is good at controlling your ego, there will never be a clash. Do you want there to be a clash? Do you want to beat him down in front of his girlfriend?

Jeff Cook

[Mudbuddah]

I apologize if I came across as being an egotistic show off in my first post, I really don't show off unless I'm asked to by a friend, and even then I'm usually too shy to comply.

I relize that I shouldn't let such a trivial matter get on my nervs but my friend and I have been through a fix or two and owe eachother alot. It just bugs me how he can act like this despite that.

The last thing I would want is a confrentation, especially not infront of his girlfriend.


Thanks alot everyone for your insight.

[David Craik]

I have very few I count as 'friends', each of which I've known for over twenty years, and none of whom have ever acted like a prick to me or vice versa.

I would let him know how you feel, and if he's a real friend he won't act that way anymore. Alternately you could simply whoop his arse in front of his girlfriend. :D

[Mekugi]

If David's suggestion is not a choice (some people will not respond to reason) then...
Do not respond to his conversations on the martial arts. Use language to diffuse the situation and change the subject.

For example :

Friend:
" I am so awesome, I can really whip some butt.I'm promoting to 10th dan this next weekend and recieving my grandmaster-sokeship."

You:
"So you like training? Great! So what do you think of (insert another subject here, not related to martial arts)."

If you really value this person's friendship, then avoid this subject until he matures. If he won't stop, despite the situation, then avoid him for a while- that way you will have other things to talk about. If you don't care about his freindship to begin with, then the choice it easy...go elsewhere (that is obvious and cold though).


He now always talks about how he thinks MA is his second nature and how he can beat me with his new skills (especially in front of his girlfriend). It really gets on my nerves. To make matters worse he's only attended literally 4 or 5 classes and he's already been selected to test for his next rank and caoxed, by his sensai, into joining a basic forms tournament (!?) (Which makes me question the Dojo he's attending). So now he thinks he's got some hidden talent and can take on anyone, especially me. I've always trained in weaponless systems but eventually he's gonna get into Karate and probably try to challenge me or something like that.

[Stararrow]

I am 19 years old and have been training in Martial arts on and off since I was quite young. A friend of mine who, I've known for quite sometime, was always interested in martial arts finally started training recently in Bo Jutsu and Iado at a chain dojo (They have many locations) which teaches a myriad of styles. He's sort of a niave and sometimes arrogant guy and I was always hoping that martial arts would calm him down like it did for me. But it just seems like he's being more arrogant now that he knows a few tricks.

He now always talks about how he thinks MA is his second nature and how he can beat me with his new skills (especially in front of his girlfriend). It really gets on my nerves. To make matters worse he's only attended literally 4 or 5 classes and he's already been selected to test for his next rank and caoxed, by his sensai, into joining a basic forms tournament (!?) (Which makes me question the Dojo he's attending). So now he thinks he's got some hidden talent and can take on anyone, especially me. I've always trained in weaponless systems but eventually he's gonna get into Karate and probably try to challenge me or something like that.

Any advice on dealing with these types of people? Any thoughts about his ridiculously fast advancment?

(I've heard that some chain or commercial Dojos, like the one he's going to, like to push people through the levels really quickly so that they can get their BB's and feel like they got what they paid for.) :(

First and foremost of all, an individual who has openly challenged you, even indirectly, as per the mannerism you stated cannot actually be a real friend, can he? He is not respecting your existence as a person.

My suggestion is that, to ignore him and go on with your life. As about why he advanced thus fast, that is something I cannot understand...in Taiwan here, minors (those not over the age of 18) cannot even get a black-belt in TKD and Karate...

You can avoid any possible confrontations from this individual by simply ignoring him and not being with him.

[Oelier]

The suggestions presented are good ones, depending on how you feel about your friendship. However, I'd like to know a little more about what the girlfriend thinks. Your friend obviously has an ego. He also obviously needs validation. Next time he starts in while his girlfriend is present, turn to her and ask, "What do you think of all this?" If you want a little less confrontational method, don't wait for him to start. You start off by asking, "How do you think <insert name>'s martial arts training is turning out?" Peer pressure can be a wonderful thing, sometimes.

[Kwon Pup Maze]

I see this as way to strengthen your friendship. The guy seems hooked into the new experience and does'nt know how to act right. This is your chance to train with, not by fighting, but train together.

Let him show you some one steps and you the same. By showing kindness and interest things should turn out for the best. In the end you both become better people.

[sonic]

my first instinctive reaction whenever someone challenges me is to avoid them
but thats not always possible
I'm kind of fond of the verbal diffusion
"Dude... don't mess with me man.... I could throw you through the screen"
ME: "haha.... will it look as cool in the movies???? we sould probably get a video camera first"
or: "well I'm not gonna argue that I probably wouldn't enjoy/deserve it" (the enjoy really freaks people out)
or: "did I piss you off???? sorry"

I've always found that people rarely have a dscent response to that
that and a friend actually was talkin **** and told me that he could put me through a screen to which I said "wow.... that'd be cool" although not in a patronizing tone
it kinda confused him...
classic untrained napolean complex kinda guy.... I've thrown many people larger than him and he had been tryin to start **** all night (I even broke up a fight btw him and another friend)
needless to say I no longer consider him the brightest lightbulb after that