Passing Judgement

[HeatherMac]

Who all feels that Shorinji Kempo is not appropriate for children aged 4 years old? I have a situation. My child is in Foster care right now, and I thought since I get to spend time with my son what a perfect way to spend time..that is, to get him involved in Shorinji Kempo. He is in the custody of the DHR, department of human resources. His foster mother was concerned for his behavior with kicking and punching, and thought that it might be best for my son to not participate in Shorinji Kempo, and explained that to the authority. I explained that I thought she made a judgement on my martial art, and explained that for children that age, we teach them fun stuff like rolls, and that we don't encourage violence at all, and that in fact, it might make him feel strong, and it might make him more coooperative and disciplined. It was aggravating to know that for my martial art there was judgement passed. What do you feel?

[moogong]

I think that is probably a natural reaction from somebody taking care of a foster child. If the child is in foster care, and they have a caring foster parent, their every move is being watched. Add the general public misconception of the martial arts into the mix and I don’t think her reaction is very surprising.
Not to be discouraging to you but you will most likely not have be able to train with your child unless you are their legal guardian.

[Brian Dugger]

I don't think there's anything wrong with a martial art for a child. In this case, I don't think this is the issue. My support to you is to focus on doing what is required by the state regarding the relationship to your son through the foster home. If it means finding some other activity for him, then do so. At the moment, this is a more pressing issue than whether he should train in a martial art or not.

[Mark Barlow]

At that young age, context is everything. If the majority of the visits you have with your child involve martial arts classes, he will naturally associate that with you. I've got a friend who usually takes his 5 yr. old son golfing when it's his weekend. Mom and step-dad think it's hilarious that the kid refers to dad #1 as "my golf dad".

I can see the foster parents being concerned if he comes back punching and kicking after each visit with you. To someone not involved with the M.A.s, it can look like you're encouraging violence. At this point, do as little to rock the boat as you can. Work toward making things work out for both you and your child.

Good luck with both your child and your training.

[Nina]

Hi Heather!
Does the Foley-dojo offer children classes?
If yes, will you train together with them?

[Tripitaka of AA]

Some excellent advice already on the specific situation... on a more general note regarding the training for children, I think most clubs prefer to take them from 7 years and upwards. I've seen exceptions, but they were exeptional.

Back to the specifics... I'd imagine that the Court would look favourably on any activity that would benefit the child regardless of who suggested it (Parent or Foster-Parent). Likewise, an activity that was shown to be of a negative influence would not look good in Court. If it comes down to a decision on whether the activity itself was a good one or not, then I guess the court might need to ask around, come down to a class, or just see a few testimonials from other parents... but please refer to previous posts as these seem to speak from experience, and are from US-based members who will have a better idea of how things work where you are.

Having said that, please also note that the expertise of members on Budoseek, and their main areas of interest are Martial Arts. As exponents and supporters of Martial Arts, they will most likely share your positive feelings about Martial Arts in general, but they may not be the best qualified to offer advice on this matter. (Some of them may be highly qualified professionals with direct and relevant experience in Fostering, the Law, and related issues... but it's not all that likely).

[dao]

Warning: this is going to be really harsh

You are right, they are passing judgement on your beliefs. I have no idea what led to your child being in foster care. But, it sounds like the foster parents care and trying to do what they feel is best for your child. You may not like it but, at least your child is with someone who cares and I think you might want to be grateful about that. It could be much worse. Trying to make them look bad is not going to make you look good if that is what you are trying to do.

You need to be thinking not only what is good (or bad) for your child but, also how will others percieve what you are doing, and there are alot of misunderstanding about MA and especially about females who practice MA. It seems like you need to decide whether spending time with your child or proving that you are right that MA would not be harmful is more important. That may not feel fair but, that's where it sound like you are at right now.

[DaNinjew]

Heather,
I certainly shouldn't be the one to offer you any advice but instead wanted to wish you luck and to say I admire you for having the courage to share such a very difficult personal issue.

[Luar]

Who all feels that Shorinji Kempo is not appropriate for children aged 4 years old? I have a situation. My child is in Foster care right now, and I thought since I get to spend time with my son what a perfect way to spend time..that is, to get him involved in Shorinji Kempo. He is in the custody of the DHR, department of human resources. His foster mother was concerned for his behavior with kicking and punching, and thought that it might be best for my son to not participate in Shorinji Kempo, and explained that to the authority. I explained that I thought she made a judgement on my martial art, and explained that for children that age, we teach them fun stuff like rolls, and that we don't encourage violence at all, and that in fact, it might make him feel strong, and it might make him more coooperative and disciplined. It was aggravating to know that for my martial art there was judgement passed. What do you feel?

It is possible that the child's disruptive behavior is due to being in foster care and thus I would seek the advice of a professional to in how best to deal with this. Ultimately the best thing for the child is get him out of foster care and give him a stable and nuturing home.

[Mark Barlow]

It is possible that the child's disruptive behavior is due to being in foster care and thus I would seek the advice of a professional to in how best to deal with this. Ultimately the best thing for the child is get him out of foster care and give him a stable and nuturing home.

Playing Devil's Advocate here... Who's to say that at this point in time, foster care isn't the most stable and nuturing environment for the child? The folks I know who open their homes to provide foster care are caring and giving people who have the best interest of the kids foremost in their hearts.

Having said that, I think this is probably an inappropriate place for such a personal and potentially life altering topic as parenting.

[Webmaster]

Having said that, I think this is probably an inappropriate place for such a personal and potentially life altering topic as parenting.
Agreed. Heather, let's keep to the topic of this forum which is Shorinji Kempo. This is not the place to be discussing your personal issues (or legal ones) like this or the other concerning you having the hots for one of your sensei.

BTW, has it ever dawned on you that he might actually be reading your posts?