View Full Version : Afraid of yourself
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Did you ever had the feeling of loosing control about yourself? Do you sometimes wonder about who you are?
Musubi Dojo
09-11-2007, 18:36
Sometimes, when the voices speak to me in the darkest hour, all I can think about is Parcheesi
At that point I'm capable of anything. ;)
Dennis Monk
09-11-2007, 18:41
Sometimes when I begin to talk to myself in different voices, I answer in another one. It confuses the other me's.
David Craik
09-11-2007, 19:26
Whenever I wonder who I am, I look at my driver's license. I am going to be so screwed if I ever forget how to read.
Eye4NEye
09-11-2007, 19:39
I'd reply, but I'm afraid....shhhhhh! Wait...ok, it's clear...I thought I might be watching...myself.
I have lost control before, but I found that Immodium works pretty good.
Jeff Cook
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Did you ever had the feeling of loosing control about yourself? Do you sometimes wonder about who you are?
Having a wife ,kids and a mortgage helps you keep a handle on who you are.
Having a wife ,kids and a mortgage helps you keep a handle on who you are.
But those are the things that drive us all crazy.
Yep ....funny how that works.
Musubi Dojo
09-11-2007, 22:16
Nina, if this is Budo related can you draw us some examples and put them in a context, otherwise this is going to be another comic relief thread.... :D
Prince Loeffler
09-12-2007, 01:30
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Did you ever had the feeling of loosing control about yourself? Do you sometimes wonder about who you are?
Heck ya ! I had that feeling when I was at Paco Taco's and man oh man ! That Supremo Fish Burrito with three kinds of cheese , a heap of sour cream and extra guacamole.
After three beers and a pina coloda, I always thought that I was batman ! Problem is that I could never remember where I parked the batmobile so I guess I always had to put off crime fighting another day or until I sober up a bit !. I often wonder what kind of stories police officers would tell fellow officers that they just made batman go thru a field sobriety test:D
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Did you ever had the feeling of loosing control about yourself? Do you sometimes wonder about who you are?Perhaps not in a extreme kind, but I think yes. ... and I think it's ok, because this shows me that I'm more than that, what is obvious. As far as I still realize it and don't lose my self-control complete ... :up:
The relation to Budo I would see in so far, that a ma could help to get a better self-control ... or if one loses ones self-control, one will possibly cause a bigger damage because of ones ma-knowledge.
Nina, if this is Budo related can you draw us some examples and put them in a context, otherwise this is going to be another comic relief thread.... :D
Yes it is Budo related. Budo is about life not death. The question relates to living.
As an aside the only relevance death has with Budo is that it is life's coup de grace. It is important to die well because it is the last thing we do.
Musubi Dojo
09-12-2007, 08:35
Yes it is Budo related. Budo is about life not death. The question relates to living.
What I was getting at was the questions need to be narrowed down for most people to take them seriously.
The other angle I see about control is when training with a non-resiting parter. Have your emotions ever gotten the better of you in this situation? What did you do about it? etc....
As an aside the only relevance death has with Budo is that it is life's coup de grace. It is important to die well because it is the last thing we do.
With all the wounds on the front of your body? :D
Cougar Claw
09-12-2007, 09:20
Oh yeah! I was talking about this to a friend the other day. This was one of the four primary reasons I began studying martial arts. Statistically, the average American gets in 3.5 fights in their lifetime or so I have read. I am way above that average. My temper has been a horrible problem for me.
Martial training and religious beliefs have done a lot to change me, but I am still me. I have to walk away sometimes when I find myself losing it. No one better follow and press anything when this happens.
It took me a long time to even acknowledge the problem.
It is important to die well because it is the last thing we do.Very poetic - I like this statement.
I just hope I remember that when the time comes.
silentassassin
09-12-2007, 11:46
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Did you ever had the feeling of loosing control about yourself? Do you sometimes wonder about who you are?
No, to your examples. But I have found myself afraid of the outcome of if I lost my self-control. That is the one fear that keeps me in check on the limitations I put on myself when I need to use my martial arts. Not the fear of prison or the judicial system, but the fear of killing another human when their actions did not warrant death. Make sense?
Jeff Burger
09-12-2007, 16:49
Who am I...
According to Deepak Chopra I can cloesly be defined as...
A holographic expression of the entire universe manifesting in a infinate field of possibilities as probability amplitudes for space time events.
When I heard that I thought where was this guy when I was doing drugs?
To answer more seriously, when I was younger I had alot of rage and hung out with a bad crowd. So yes I worried I would hurt someone and end up in jail.
Now I can just let most things go through me without any immediate or residual anger.
PARCHESSI
No, to your examples. But I have found myself afraid of the outcome of if I lost my self-control. That is the one fear that keeps me in check on the limitations I put on myself when I need to use my martial arts. Not the fear of prison or the judicial system, but the fear of killing another human when their actions did not warrant death. Make sense?
Absolutely. My question was meant that way...
Musubi Dojo
09-13-2007, 08:39
When I was younger and drank alcohol well past the point of common sense I would at times become volatile.
I've trashed houses and drinking establishments. I've provoked fights where I got my face smashed in and roughed people up who didn't really deserve it (and some that did) In short I've been real arse hole. I've also been on the other side dealing with volatile drunks as a profession where I HAD to maintain self control.
Haven't had a drink in many years. Mostly a maturity thing.
Serious loss of emotional control is quite possibly some sort of chemical imbalance caused by mental illness, some sort of foreign substance or major life trauma.
Ok Nina, when did you feel like you were losing control? What happened?
Ok Nina, when did you feel like you were losing control? What happened?
I think that everybody knows the situation, when everything is going wrong.
These kind of days, where you are determined to fail even before you left the house. At the end of the day you are so pissed that the smallest thing let you go up the wall. And propably you have drunken one beer too much...
And so it also happend that I `ticked out`. I didn`t really realized what I have done and what I have said to the other people, it just came over me. So on the next morning you look in the mirror and ask yourself why that had happened and how can you have influence on yourself that this won`t happen again....
silentassassin
09-13-2007, 11:14
I think that everybody knows the situation, when everything is going wrong.
These kind of days, where you are determined to fail even before you left the house. At the end of the day you are so pissed that the smallest thing let you go up the wall. And propably you have drunken one beer too much...
And so it also happend that I `ticked out`. I didn`t really realized what I have done and what I have said to the other people, it just came over me. So on the next morning you look in the mirror and ask yourself why that had happened and how can you have influence on yourself that this won`t happen again....
Nina, there is a "light" and "dark" side in all of us. What happened is very common. Don't beat yourself up too much for letting it happen once. Now if it continues to happen, you may need to really address the issue. Possibly through some deep meditation.
These kind of days, where you are determined to fail even before you left the house. At the end of the day you are so pissed that the smallest thing let you go up the wall. And propably you have drunken one beer too much...
And so it also happend that I `ticked out`. I didn`t really realized what I have done and what I have said to the other people, it just came over me. So on the next morning you look in the mirror and ask yourself why that had happened and how can you have influence on yourself that this won`t happen again....Wow - this is a kind of situation I'm afraid of.
David Craik
09-13-2007, 18:29
I think those kind of days happen to about everyone.
Musubi Dojo
09-13-2007, 21:35
What David said.
Jeff Burger
09-14-2007, 05:17
how can you have influence on yourself that this won`t happen again....
You grow up.
You realize you don't have to let your emotions control you.
You realize your actions can have long terms repercutions like jail time.
Not to sound sarcastic but you should have learned that as a child when the repercutions were not as serious (spanked, grounded, detention...).
You walk away from what you can and let it out in a positive way like hitting the bag or meditating, whatever works for you.
If drinking is part of the problem then you have a drinking problem.
elder999
09-15-2007, 11:24
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Did you ever had the feeling of loosing control about yourself? Do you sometimes wonder about who you are?
I'll answer these in reverse, I guess....
I'm probably not who I wanted to be when I was 6 or 8 or 10 years old. I'm certainly not who I wanted to be when I was in my teens. I may or not be who I wanted to be yesterday, but I am always who I want to be today.
No use wondering about that.:laugh:
For the most part, I'm someone who's really known for what some consider to be extraordinary self-control. I don't know much about having the feeling that I'm losing control of myself-though there is one possibility, which I'll get to. I do try to exercise a little more self-control about what I say to people, because I'm also well known for speaking my mind-and sometimes being unkind about it. I’ve often regretted what I’ve said-like many others, I have a lot to learn...as far as violence goes, though, I've hit people, I've cut someone, and I have to say I was pretty much in control of myself every time-I did it:I did it, I'm glad I did it, and I'd do it again.. Like many others, I carry weapons-including a pistol, from time to time, and if I ever shoot anyone or anything, I'm pretty sure it'll be because I meant to, and not because I lost control.....
I’m told that I have what's called a non-addictive personality. Like many others, growing up in the 60's and 70's, I had a more than passing acquaintance with er....recreational substances, but I never made any of them what could be called a habit-especially if they involved smoking. oddly, these days I use tobacco for prayer, as part of Native American ceremonies, so I’m a non-smoking smoker, if there is such a thing, who also enjoys an occasional (very occasional-last one was nearly eight years ago) cigar.The substance I enjoy most is alcohol-I got sick from drinking when I was 16,though. and said (like many others) that it would never happen again, and it hasn't. Oh, I still drink, and I still get drunk, from time to time-I just don't see much fun in puking, so I stop when I'm feeling good....
I do have one thing, though-one thing that makes me wonder about my limits, an addiction, no a need-one need that gets me scared of myself, from time to time, in a most delicious way.....
The need for speed.
When I was a kid, I wasn't what you'd call coordinated, or athletic-hell, I took remedial gym. THere were two things I could do well when I was small, though-and one of them was ride my bicycle-fast. When I was 10, I could easily outride all the kids-even a few 2 or 3 years older than I was, on my Raleigh Chopper (anyone remember the Raleigh Chopper? If you know where I can get one, I'd love one on the wall in my bar....). When I was a little older, and got a real "English racer" bicycle-one with 26" tires...wow! I lived on Birch Lane, in Peekskill, N.Y. , at the top of a big hill-and that hill ended at Westbrook Drive, at the top of another really big hill-it's about a mile and three quarters long. I'd come tearing out of Birch Lane, and point that thing down Westbrook, and fly One day, I actually got pulled over by the State Police, because the speed limit on Westbrook was (and probably still is) 30 mph, and I was apparently doing 45-he was really surprised, and concerned for my safety (Son, you realize if you fall at that speed, you're really gonna hurt yourself?) Fall? Hell, I was looking for a decent bump, so I could get some air….:laugh:
Sledding, skateboarding, skating, skiing, snowboarding, sailing-I just love the feel and sound of wind rushing by my face, the sight of what's in front of me quickly becoming what's behind me. I love to take my Hobie Cat out on Abiqui Lake in March and April-get all done up in a wetsuit, catch a good wind and hike out so that I’m up on one pontoon, and terrorize the few speedboats that are out there at that time of year. Love to jump off bridges, cliffs, out of safe-flying planes, ‘cause for a speed junkie (heheh) 32.14 ft/sec/sec is a very special buzz…..two years ago, I went flying with these crazy fighter pilots (http://www.fightercombat.com/) ‘cause…….well, ‘cause I needed it….and Rita (that’s the wife) loves the **** out of me…..:laugh:
I started building cars when I was 13-I also started riding motocross. In high school, what there was of it, I had MGs, Fiats, and, to my mom’s horror, a 1970 Plymouth Roadrunner…..still have the Roadrunner, in fact-back in 2000, I bought a Superbird to go with it, but there was too much profit to be made selling it four years later…since then, I’ve had, in no particular order, Porsches, a Lotus, a Plymouth GTX, a superbad ’71 Chevelle SS with a 396, a really cool little Austin-Healey Bugeye Sprite with a supercharged 1275cc motor,and a 1989 Ferrari Mondial t. Bikes? Nortons, Triumphs, CZs, Husqvarnas, Hondas, Harleys and BMWs-both the cars and the bikes. I drove-or drive- all of them just as fast as possible. When I was 20, I rode a hard-tailed Triumph from New York to Palm Beach, Florida in just under 19hrs. I got pulled over on Long Island in the Austin Healey, doing 127 mph-actually, I’d lost that cop, but was headed straight for the Trooper barracks at 4 in the morning, so I pulled over, popped the hood and waited for him….we stood there and talked about the car for a while, and I got a ticket for 70 in a 55, instead of going to jail…took all the muscle cars to the drag track, drove the Superbird to Las Vegas from Albuquerque in just under 6 hours-that’s Las Vegas, Nevada-not the one in NM. Back in the 80’s, I built a Chevy Vega with another blueprinted 396, posi rear, free-flow exhaust,the works-except it looked like your Mom’s Vega wagon, with maybe a little voice, and I managed to take 3 Corvettes from guys who didn’t know better, before word got around….I raced cars and bikes through my courtship and my first marriage, but gave all that up when the kid’s mom died….
Wrecked a bike back in ’94, and my Mom convinced me that riding a motorcycle-even at sane speeds-was no pursuit for a widowed father, so I put my bikes-the Harley Superglide I wrecked on, my BMW K100rs, and my Suzuki GS1100 into storage……well, the kids are grown: my son’s married, and my daughter started med school this year, and last year I took the Harley out of storage….it was fun, I still love it, but it’s just not fast enough….this year, I’m rolling around on the BMW-managed to rack up 8000 miles since May…..so far, I’ve only had it up to about 125-yes, on the road. Of course, on some stretches of road out this way, 90 mph is normal cruising speed, but after 90 mph it’s hard to tell the difference……I’m 47 years old, though-my reflexes aren’t what they used to be, I’m in control enough to know that, but sometimes….well, sometimes it seems that I just don’t care…..in the meantime, my reflexes are still really good, and I’m still in control…but sometimes I scare myself, and next summer….well, next summer it’s the Suzie’s turn…:laugh:
I think that everybody knows the situation, when everything is going wrong.
These kind of days, where you are determined to fail even before you left the house. At the end of the day you are so pissed that the smallest thing let you go up the wall. And propably you have drunken one beer too much...
And so it also happend that I `ticked out`. I didn`t really realized what I have done and what I have said to the other people, it just came over me. So on the next morning you look in the mirror and ask yourself why that had happened and how can you have influence on yourself that this won`t happen again..
We all have days that feel like-even those of us that are thought (by others, mostly-I forgot to mention how little control I have sometimes around chocolate:o ) to have these huge reserves of self control...in the end, you have to look in the mirror, forget about what you did yesterday, and say that today...today...TODAY..I'm who I want to be.
I've hit people, I've cut someone... Who and why did they deserve it? I don`t think that it is better to do it under control...Possibly you want to do things in a certain situation,but what if you tick out and KNOW that it is wrong, at least after it happened? When you harm someone who is innocent?
elder999
09-15-2007, 15:11
Who and why did they deserve it? I don`t think that it is better to do it under control...Possibly you want to do things in a certain situation,but what if you tick out and KNOW that it is wrong, at least after it happened? When you harm someone who is innocent?
They were no one of any consequence, apparently. Same as me. They deserved it because it was what they wanted, apparently, and I hadn't been careful enough to make sure that I couldn't give it to them by not being there.I didn't "tick out." I didn't do anything that was wrong-except be in the wrong place at the wrong time-and they weren't innocent.
Rest assured, on those days, in those moments, I was exactly who I wanted to be.....for the most part.
They were no one of any consequence, apparently. Same as me. They deserved it because it was what they wanted, apparently, and I hadn't been careful enough to make sure that I couldn't give it to them by not being there.I didn't "tick out." I didn't do anything that was wrong-except be in the wrong place at the wrong time-and they weren't innocent.
Rest assured, on those days, in those moments, I was exactly who I wanted to be.....for the most part.
Then why do you think that it was the wrong time and wrong place :rolleyes: ?
elder999
09-15-2007, 15:48
Then why do you think that it was the wrong time and wrong place :rolleyes: ?
:rolleyes:
Because if I hadn't been in that place at that time it wouldn't have happened.
Jonathan Randall
09-15-2007, 21:38
You grow up.
You realize you don't have to let your emotions control you.
You realize your actions can have long terms repercutions like jail time.
Not to sound sarcastic but you should have learned that as a child when the repercutions were not as serious (spanked, grounded, detention...).
You walk away from what you can and let it out in a positive way like hitting the bag or meditating, whatever works for you.
If drinking is part of the problem then you have a drinking problem.
So true about the drinking aspect. One serius mess-up after consuming alcohol, in and of itself, should cause a re-evaluation of the place alcohol has, or should have, in a person's life.
Today, so many parents don't realize that disciplining their children is actually PROTECTING them from future, more serious repercussions of bad behavior.
When I was younger, I sometimes had also problems to keep control over me, but I didn`t look into the mirror and asked why, not at this time. It was my way to live, also with the consequences. But authoritys forced me to think about myself, it was a shocking time, but I learned to deal with conflicts. Now I feel ashamed about some things I`ve done. I became more mature and work with people who may be in the same situation where I have been. VIOLENCE IS NEVER A SOLUTION! elder999, I don`t understand how you can write such statements in a public forum.
elder999
09-16-2007, 14:21
VIOLENCE IS NEVER A SOLUTION! elder999, I don`t understand how you can write such statements in a public forum.
Bilal, I don't understand how a martial artist can speak in such absolutes about violence never being a solution.
Maybe you have non-violent solution to this, but I don't know that I'd exercise that option:
To react appropriately and loosing control are two different pairs of shoes, maybe I understood your previous post wrongly.
Aaron, do you mind telling a little bit more about these situations?
David Craik
09-16-2007, 14:37
He never said he 'lost control', he did precisely what he aimed to do. If 'violence is never a solution, what the hell are you learning to punch and kick people for?
elder999
09-16-2007, 14:39
Aaron, do you mind telling a little bit more about these situations?
Sure, here's one-I was mugged at knifepoint on the Brooklyn IRT (subway) at about 1 in the morning-gave the kids my wallet and my watch, and one of them wanted to cut me anyway-I didn't let him.
Musubi Dojo
09-16-2007, 15:57
VIOLENCE IS NEVER A SOLUTION! elder999, I don`t understand how you can write such statements in a public forum.
Are you trying say violence shouldn't be the first solution? :confused:
Are you trying say violence shouldn't be the first solution? :confused:
Yes, sorry, maybe I was too much fixed on the question of Nina. Of course is selfdefence, which is one big aspect why I do Judo, a legitimate reason to use physical violance. Again Aaron, I am sorry.
silentassassin
09-18-2007, 08:05
VIOLENCE IS NEVER A SOLUTION! elder999, I don`t understand how you can write such statements in a public forum.
Violence should never be the first solution sought, but as martial artists we have to undertstand that sometimes it takes violence to stop violence.
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