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Can any of the women here follow the reason to not go to training because of feeling too fat? My girlfriend started Karate lessons one year ago, she has a normal constitution, in my eyes maybe a little bit too thin,she has a BMI of approximately 21, I would treasure...But from time to time she doesn't go to class, because she feels so uncomfortable, when she had a time where she ate a little more than usually. I mean one can't see any differences, especially with trainings clothes,but she said she feels it and can't train.Is that normal for women?Why do women always think so much about their weight?
Women + self-image = extremely complicated and illogical.
Tell her not to eat before training and if she feels bloated, either don't go because she feels bloated, or do something about it. Don't let her criticize herself, though.
That`s maybe not the problem, she doesn`t eat much before training. But she even feels bad, when she ate the day before too much, but it`s absolutely stupid to think that one gets "fat" after one day or after one week or so. And if it would be the case,nobody would care or recognize. I am not shure if she feels unattractive and gets in some kind of depression or if she just becomes lazy. Each case is strange and maybe only she can understand it, at least I hope so.
This isn't a problem for me because I've always been "too fat" so if I had to wait till I was thin I'd never accomplish anything. I've heard other women talk about it though.
My $0.02 is - if it is interfering with her making progress and if she is getting frustrated you may want to talk to her about it otherwise I'd leave it alone.
Some women will always think more about their weight and body image than others.
Unless she is obviously getting unhealthy I'd suggest not bringing it up. Sometimes the worst thing is if their significant other (you) mentions anything about the state of their body it can make some very insecure, even if you are only being supportive. If anything I would tend to think that karate, like any physical activity would be great if you though you were overweight.
If she brings it up, be supportive. Yes it is a very tricky line to walk.
I have found there is a great deal of respect in martial arts. If someone in a class was commenting unfavourably about someone's weight, it's not generally a place you would want to attend anyway.
AllanJGAnderson
07-30-2008, 15:43
Tell her not to eat before training and if she feels bloated,....... Don't let her criticize herself, though.
I think you'd really just tell her to lay off the cold cuts :D
I have heard of women who "want to lose some weight" before they join a gym. :confused: I just assumed it was because gyms tend to attract a lot of Barbie Girls.
Maybe "I feel fat" is just her way of saying: "I do not feel like working out tonight." Or it could be monthly PMS. Either way, I would not sweat it. If you start to see dramatic changes in her weight/eating habits, seek professional guidance before jumping in.
Nowwwwww, as an Instructor: If a student said to me, "Ms. Elizabeth, I did not come to class because I felt fat" - I would probably have a retort or two. ;)
As Erik said, I think women and their personal feeling about their appareance is very difficult. I stayed at home, because I didn`t feel good in my body, but I know outsiders don`t understand that...If you don`t feel good in your body, this attitude is transferd to you in every aspect in your life. When I lost just 1 kg and didn`t eate junk food for one week, I felt sooooo good, maybe I even put weight on, don`t know...But I was definately more powerfull in my mind and that changed everything. There were also thoughts about not wearing my dogi, because it could weighten, stupid of course.
Can any of the women here follow the reason to not go to training because of feeling too fat?
More of going not to training because of feeling like eaten too much before training and than being to filled to move...I think it's not so unusual, but as long as you don't observe any strange habbits concerning eating, as Eliz said,it should be ok.
Nadine - don't eat for 4 hours before training.
Especially German food.
Nadine - don't eat for 4 hours before training.
Especially German food.
But that`s the only time she is awake...:rolleyes:
Just joking of course.
Sei nett, Schaetzchen (auch wenn es stimmt!) :)
Seems as if it's not so strange as I suggested. Thank you for your replies.
Dominik, I see you are a relatively young adult. Here are some facts about women:
Don't fight the hormone issues.
Don't try to figure out or understand the hormone issues.
People smarter than you and I have studied the issue of female logic and thought patterns, and are still totally baffled hundreds of years later. It is an enigma; just as we cannot "see" a black hole or truly measure the event horizon, we will never be able to apply a univeral set of logical criteria that can definitively categorize what mysteries lie within the human female brain.
Do what politicians do. If she asks you "Do I look fat in this gi" answer her by talking about how you think the price of gas can be lowered through taxing the crap out of Big Oil. It will hopefully throw her off her game and provide you a narrow window for escape. If that doesn't work, pretend like you are sick - start gagging and run to the bathroom while making loud retching noises. Her maternal instincts will hopefully kick in and distract her from the issue at hand: the perceived size of her butt.
If all else fails, burst into tears for no reason. It works for them; I see no reason why it cannot work for us.
Good luck, and Godspeed.
Jeff Cook
STORMCROW34
08-01-2008, 07:22
Dominik-
My experience with women is that they generally do not want us to verbally solve their problems for them, they want us to listen to them and if possible, show sincere empathy. In my opinion, your best bet when she says she is too fat to do anything, is to simply say something like; "What are you talking about? You look fine to me....Come on lets get ready to go, it will be fun".
And then do not push the issue or say too much. Good luck.....
Do what politicians do. If she asks you "Do I look fat in this gi" answer her by talking about how you think the price of gas can be lowered through taxing the crap out of Big Oil. It will hopefully throw her off her game and provide you a narrow window for escape. If that doesn't work, pretend like you are sick - start gagging and run to the bathroom while making loud retching noises. Her maternal instincts will hopefully kick in and distract her from the issue at hand: the perceived size of her butt.
If all else fails, burst into tears for no reason. It works for them; I see no reason why it cannot work for us.
Good luck, and Godspeed.
Jeff Cook
:laugh: :lmao4:
Ahh yes, the old Acknowledge without answering and Redirect move, it DOES work!
In my opinion, your best bet when she says she is too fat to do anything, is to simply say something like; "What are you talking about? You look fine to me....Come on lets get ready to go, it will be fun".
I think that can make you more furioso often...
Dominik, I see you are a relatively young adult. Here are some facts about women:
Don't fight the hormone issues.
Don't try to figure out or understand the hormone issues.
People smarter than you and I have studied the issue of female logic and thought patterns, and are still totally baffled hundreds of years later. It is an enigma; just as we cannot "see" a black hole or truly measure the event horizon, we will never be able to apply a univeral set of logical criteria that can definitively categorize what mysteries lie within the human female brain.
Do what politicians do. If she asks you "Do I look fat in this gi" answer her by talking about how you think the price of gas can be lowered through taxing the crap out of Big Oil. It will hopefully throw her off her game and provide you a narrow window for escape. If that doesn't work, pretend like you are sick - start gagging and run to the bathroom while making loud retching noises. Her maternal instincts will hopefully kick in and distract her from the issue at hand: the perceived size of her butt.
If all else fails, burst into tears for no reason. It works for them; I see no reason why it cannot work for us.
Good luck, and Godspeed.
Jeff Cook
:(
.......................................
David Craik
08-01-2008, 10:50
I guess "C'mon honey, you don't look any fatter than usual" or a suggestion that "we drop karate and take up sumo instead" would be out of the question...
"It's not the clothes that makes you look fat, it's the ice cream."
STORMCROW34
08-01-2008, 12:11
I think that can make you more furioso often...
I'm sorry Nina, I'm not following your meaning. Please elaborate.
You can't make that "beeping" sound when she does her sliding rear retreat, women don't like that!
I think you all are getting a little carried away. :(
This is the "Women's Section" ...... Not the "Slam on Women Section."
Darn it! I thought I would find some long-term-marriage humor in here! My apologies for offending you and anyone else with my tongue-in-cheek post. Feel free to delete it.
Jeff Cook
If I'm reading the orginal post correctly she is telling not asking. That's a big difference. If someone tells you that they don't feel like training, do you feel the need to debate with them?
I blame it all on Eric! I'm going back to the testosterone fueled section of the site now, sorry if I offended you ladies.
In my opinion, your best bet when she says she is too fat to do anything, is to simply say something like; "What are you talking about? You look fine to me....Come on lets get ready to go, it will be fun".
I'll have to agree with Nina that this wouldn't be the best approach. Rather than expressing empathy, that just makes it sound like you're not listening and you're just trying to get her to stop talking. I totally agree with your advice to listen though. :)
And Dominik, I would agree with those who say it doesn't seem like something to worry about. If she doesn't want to train, for whatever reason, best to just leave it alone. :)
I'm sorry Nina, I'm not following your meaning. Please elaborate.
As Jaclyn said. If you complain about your figure because you feel bad, it is a fact no matter if other people see it as well. Probably some woman want only to hear that they look good by their partners, but that`s maybe something else...If you tell them they are in good shape they can easily think it is just to make them stop discussing about it...
STORMCROW34
08-03-2008, 21:29
I'll have to agree with Nina that this wouldn't be the best approach. Rather than expressing empathy, that just makes it sound like you're not listening and you're just trying to get her to stop talking. I totally agree with your advice to listen though. :)
And Dominik, I would agree with those who say it doesn't seem like something to worry about. If she doesn't want to train, for whatever reason, best to just leave it alone. :)
I understand where you are coming from here, and I agree if it's a situation where someone feels like they are being intentionally patronized or placated, but I'm pretty sure that I specified the idea of "sincere empathy". Not a; "yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up I'm watching the game" type of empathy....I hope I didn't seem like that.
If that's the crass way I may have come accross, then I'm sorry that you and Nina seemed to have misunderstood me.
Ok, all joking aside, why is it important for her to go to class with you? Is it really a big deal if she misses a few classes because of her self-image? If so, then certainly talk with her about it. She is your girlfriend, which implies some sort of teamwork/partnership arrangement. Maybe you have a mutually-supporting arrangement and made a deal to both go to class to spend some time together doing something positive. If that is the case, and if you feel she is letting you down, then by all means tell her how you feel about it and how her behavior affects you.
If you feel she is using the self-image thing as an excuse for laziness, try to give her purpose, direction, and motivation without catering to her but also without ignoring what might be a legitimate issue for her. If it is a legitimate issue, you HAVE to validate her feelings, and let her know that you hear and respect what she is telling you, even if you cannot understand or empathize with her feelings.
Last but not least, you KNOW her. People are motivated in sometimes drastically different ways. Only YOU know the best way to motivate her, as none of us know her. Some people piss and moan about something like this, HOPING that you will give them a kick in the butt to get them moving. Others, not so much and just the opposite.
There is no easy answer. It is very easy to give trite answers on the internet, from people who do not know her, you, or your relationship dynamic. Examine and learn the proper PROCESS to resolve issues. DO NOT look for an easy answer which probably will not solve your problem or answer your questions. And above all, develop good, solid, and effective communication skills with her. Without that, all of this is just meaningless words and worthless advice.
Jeff Cook
skatergirl
12-06-2008, 17:32
I suppose I'm the odd gal here. I can't say I've ever felt too fat to do anything. Even when I go through my illogical "I'm so fat" phase every few months (even though I KNOW I'm not), I still get up and go to class/go skateboarding/the movies/out to eat...etc.
The only advice that I can give is to assure her that she is NOT fat and try to turn her focus in another direction.
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