Overcoming Intense Test Anxiety

[Erik]

Alright, this isn't MA-related, but if anyone has tested for a belt before, they know something of having to overcome test anxiety.

My wife has her USMLE (United States Medical Licensing Exam - foreign MDs getting their licenses in the USA recognized so they can start a practice) in 9 days and she's stressed out like... I don't have the words for it.

It's her fourth try though the last two were flukes (I'll explain in detail if anyone wants, but suffice to say it wasn't her fault. I pushed her to get her $800 back and the tests stricken from her record butshe refused to do so). Her confidence is pretty low on this though she knows the stuff.

She sleeps 2-4 hours per night (which is normal for her, anyway) and studies 16+ hours per day, she's a nervous wreck and is wound up like... again, I lack the words.

Her success or failure will have more to do with how well she keeps her cool and less with how much material she knows (she knows enough already).

So, with a little over a week to go, how can I support her? What should I do? How do I walk that thin line between helping her and staying out of her way?

Anyone have any ideas?

[KayJay]

One thing that I personally liked when I had a significant test or event that was coming up, was the little things my husband would do for me. Such as, go to the corner store to pick up my favorite drink, give me a backrub, offer to pick up dinner or even cook it. He was available if I wanted to talk about it (which I usually did not).
You may already do these kinds of things for your wife but it seems the small thoughtful things are cherished the most. Don't wrap yourself around talking about the upcoming test and that she'll do fine. But be there if she wants to bring up anything about it.
Another idea you can try is to leave a small written note (or more) for her to find sometime during the day reminding her of your support (and love...awww) in what she is doing. Sounds funny but a lot of women like to be reminded of where you stand but may be too wound up in anticipation to want to discuss it.
Just some ideas. Good luck to you...and to your wife on her test.

[jwinch2]

Unfortunately I have had many tests and suffered my share of anxiety about them in the past. I finally got to the point where I had to force myself to recognize that I had done as much work as I could do, studied as hard as I could and was as prepared as I was going to get. At that point, I backed down and allowed myself to focus on something else.

Its very hard to do and takes practice but did help me tremendously...

Tell her good luck for me!

[Eliz]

I'm just going to second Kara's post.

My husband has mastered the art of being there when I need a shoulder, or being conspicuously absent when I need space.

Just hang with her, Eric - but don't smother her.

[MarcoPolo]

Erik,

I have found the following to be helpful (in no particular order)

1. "So, what's YOUR problem?!?!?"
2. "Oh, you think YOU'VE got it bad?"
3. Rationalize and minimize her problems as much as possible (Oh, poor you,
taking a medical exam.. you know how many people would kill to be in your
shoes? Who never got to even go to school?)
4. Ask her if she's PMS'ing.

LOL! Hope at least one of them made you laugh.. as a man happily married for
12 years, I can tell you that ANY of those may get you killed.

(Elizabeth and Kara may actually be shooting fire out of their eyes right now.)

Seriously, great advice before... let her know you're there, but just give her space.
Make a couple of nice, supportive, gestures. (Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey has never failed me.) But **WARNING** if you bring up the fact that you did any of those things.. you lose all man-points.

Good luck, bro. Been there and feel for you... the good news is after all this,
you'll be married to a DOCTOR!

[Erik]

Great advice, folks. I've been doing all of the above - including making fun, like Marc said! I keep encouraging her to eat some chocolate to relieve MY PMS. She loves to laugh so this is good for her.

I'm running out of gags, though - I don't know how long I can wander around the apartment with underwear on my head cooking dinner...!

I think I'll leave her some more little wacky lovenotes in random places. I did that already in one of her study books but I think she's moved on to some other ones.

Poor girl...! She graduated medical school over 6 years ago. Now, she's passing a series of exams that stymie US medical students - and this is her 4th language! What a trooper, huh!?!??!

[Eye4NEye]

It seems that your wife and mine share the same aversion to tests, Erik. My wife gets very tense and second guesses herself to bits before every test she takes (she is in school for her Doctor of Pharmacy). Here are a few things that I have found that help her cope (and me!!!):

Make her take a break. Take both of her hands and look into her eyes and tell her "Sweetie, I love you. I have faith in you. You know this material and you will do great. Even if by some fluke you do poorly, I will still be proud of you for all the work you have put into this. Don't worry about disappointing me, just do this for yourself."

That usually reassures her that I am not going to judge her based on her performance and that I will love her just the same rain or shine. That has been the main thing that I find she worries about. She worries about disappointing me and feeling like a failure. Make her realize that this is not the end of the world and that pass or fail, you are there, you love her, and life will continue. She has the brains, she has the will, and she has a supportive husband. She will do fine.

[Jay Bell]

Alright, this isn't MA-related, but if anyone has tested for a belt before, they know something of having to overcome test anxiety.

My wife has her USMLE (United States Medical Licensing Exam - foreign MDs getting their licenses in the USA recognized so they can start a practice) in 9 days and she's stressed out like... I don't have the words for it.

It's her fourth try though the last two were flukes (I'll explain in detail if anyone wants, but suffice to say it wasn't her fault. I pushed her to get her $800 back and the tests stricken from her record butshe refused to do so). Her confidence is pretty low on this though she knows the stuff.

She sleeps 2-4 hours per night (which is normal for her, anyway) and studies 16+ hours per day, she's a nervous wreck and is wound up like... again, I lack the words.

Her success or failure will have more to do with how well she keeps her cool and less with how much material she knows (she knows enough already).

So, with a little over a week to go, how can I support her? What should I do? How do I walk that thin line between helping her and staying out of her way?

Anyone have any ideas?

Back and foot rubs go a long way....that and taking care of anything you can that needs to be done so she doesn't have other things to worry about.

[Eliz]

Erik,

(Elizabeth and Kara may actually be shooting fire out of their eyes right now.)

Ya think?!

All kidding aside, my husband has been known to drop the hammer when I carry things to extremes! He has his limits.

[bMunky]

One thing that I personally liked when I had a significant test or event that was coming up, was the little things my husband would do for me. Such as, go to the corner store to pick up my favorite drink, give me a backrub, offer to pick up dinner or even cook it. He was available if I wanted to talk about it (which I usually did not).
You may already do these kinds of things for your wife but it seems the small thoughtful things are cherished the most. Don't wrap yourself around talking about the upcoming test and that she'll do fine. But be there if she wants to bring up anything about it.
Another idea you can try is to leave a small written note (or more) for her to find sometime during the day reminding her of your support (and love...awww) in what she is doing. Sounds funny but a lot of women like to be reminded of where you stand but may be too wound up in anticipation to want to discuss it.
Just some ideas. Good luck to you...and to your wife on her test.

Yeah, yoru like right on the money there. MY gf seems to get real nervous and anxiety before important events and what not and I just humor her and try to keep her mind off of things, like if she ever trys to bring it up I usually change the subject or do something that allways makes her laugh or if I have to resort to last measures I'll stop her thinking with a home cooked meal (she never turns down food it's her favorite thing in the world).