Getting a girl to be aggressive?

**TCBA_Joe** · 10-07-2005, 23:17

Ok, in my club we just had a new girl Krystal join... our 2nd. This is the first time shes ever done MA and it shows. she is very passive and hangs toward the back while I'm getting thrown around by our Sihon naomi, who wont be here next year. Naomi is very aggressive, almost one of the guys and has always been that way. Krystal doesnt have that personality. I wanted to know if you people had ways to get girls to be much more outgoing and aggressive and confident. We were thinking maybe suiting up in full sparring gear and having her come after us. Anything else you guys could suggest?

**Sapphire** · 10-08-2005, 00:01

some gals are like that. It's just part of their personality; something that's not normally changed. But one thing I've noticed in girls like that, if they're pissed, get out of their way.

Take it from a ladies man

**Sapphire** · 10-08-2005, 00:15

Ok I'll quit with the ladies man jokes now.

In our MA school we have several teen girls exactly like that. I think one of the reasons that they are still going strong in the MA is because several of them, not just the girls, are good friends with each other. As they progressed though the belt levels, they made friends with each and are more confortable with working with those friends. We also got another new teen girl in our class and she's doing very well. Why? Because the other students became friends with her almost immediatley. Think about it, wouldn't you be shy in a new activity in which you didn't know anybody?

Another thing, don't put her in the full gear until she knows the basic techniques. Get her involved in forms before sparring. Girls tend to like the flowing, rythemic (<-that's not spelt right) pattern of forms better than the free sparring.

Hope this helps.

**CHOKYONIM** · 10-08-2005, 00:31

show her one really good move that just puts someone on their ***, then have do it a million times, then another move and another her agression will come soon enough. thats one thing girls have never been good at is just beating things up, boys do it from birth we are born to kill.....all you have to do it show girls how mucg fun it is!

pil sung!

**Eliz** · 10-08-2005, 04:48

With all due respect, there are an awful lot of generalizations here.

I admit a lot of pressure is put on women [from a very young age] to act/look/dress a certain "way." That is only the exterior. Women are plenty physical and plenty aggressive. I also know plenty of female MA's who despise forms - they would rather be on the mats grappling or sparring.

As to the original post. She may very well be one of those "hang back and watch/learn" type of people. Not everyone barrels straight into the mix. She will come around when she is ready. Keep her active in the meantime - don't let her sit out during sparring times.

**poetic misjustice** · 10-08-2005, 11:27

just get her involved a bit more, ask her to help in demonstrations, ask her to spar with you, sometimes it's a confidence thing.

**TCBA_Joe** · 10-08-2005, 11:36

Originally Posted by Sapphire

Another thing, don't put her in the full gear until she knows the basic techniques. Get her involved in forms before sparring. Girls tend to like the flowing, rythemic (<-that's not spelt right) pattern of forms better than the free sparring.

we werent thinking about having her spar yet, just one of us putting on the sparring gear and her being able to basically take it out on one of us. show her hitting is ok kinda thing.

thanks for the help

**Erik** · 10-08-2005, 12:15

Tell her she's fat. She'll become aggressive.

**Sochin** · 10-08-2005, 12:49

Why do you want her to change? She obviously knows how to survive as passive. If she is serioulsy interfering with the class then she should be encoraged to find another methodology she is more comfortable with but if she is doing and keeping up, who cares if she is aggressive about it yet??

A martial art style should be big enought to bring along every personality type.

**poetic misjustice** · 10-08-2005, 13:23

Originally Posted by Erik

Tell her she's fat. She'll become aggressive.

wouldn't she simply be psychotic? thats what they usually do, it's not a pretty sight.

**Jeff Burger** · 10-08-2005, 13:24

Im with Ted.

If for soem other reason you want her to be aggressive, just make her see the benefits.

Jeff

**Chrono** · 10-08-2005, 15:30

Well, she just joined. She's probably not fully comfortable with everybody yet in order for her to become aggressive.

**Grei** · 10-08-2005, 21:00

In this case, I actually don't think it's a female thing. I'm always like that when starting something new with people I don't know.

I know people have already said this, but just give her time to get familiar and comfortable with everything while keeping her active and making her feel like she belongs. She may feel like a bit of an outsider for the first while. After she knows everybody and is confident that she knows how everything works and what to do, she should get better.

**dao** · 10-09-2005, 20:23

Aieeee! Don't you just hate it when people try to change you? She probably feels the same way.

If you or anyone else are trying to prescript her behavior you are doomed to be very frustrated and you will likely make her feel more insecure which is the opposite of what you are going for here.

Is her non-aggression getting in the way of the class? If it isn't then don't worry. If it is then focus on the specific problem- for instance, if she isn't following through on her attacks then comment on that and not a vague "she isn't aggressive enough". That'll probably be much more helpful to her.

The way to increase people's self-confidence is to allow them to experiment for themselves and to be in control of the situation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tell her she's fat. She'll become aggressive.

Erik, if you ever do this to me I'll sit on you then you'll be sorry

**Ninjah** · 10-10-2005, 18:08

Agression is not the only way!! I think martial arts is about preservation not agression!!

**Neil Yamamoto** · 10-11-2005, 00:11

Heck, three shots of tequila always seems to work on the women I see in bars. Oh, wait, she still has to train, make it two shots.

And tell her she's fat like Eric suggested.

**Margaret Lo** · 10-11-2005, 11:45

First, whose job is it to teach this new girl? When it comes to any new student, let the teacher set the pace. Whatever ideas you may have, you had better run it by the teacher before trying it out on her.

Second, passivity and hanging back may be wise for a new person. People learn at different rates, and experienced people always forget how steep a learning curve raw beginners have. Maybe you should let her have some more time - minimum 3 months.

Third, people who are quiet by nature can, if they have determination in his or her personality, stay the course in MA very well. But this works only if they like what they are doing. People like this aren't hasty and form their opinions gradually. If you force them to advance too fast, they may dislike training.

Finally, some people are not suitable for MA.

All of the above require something you're not giving her. Time to participate and observe. Try 3 months before you push her.

M

**Sue** · 10-11-2005, 12:05

I totally agree with Margaret, I also am by nature a quiet person and like to observe new situations before attempting just because she isn't aggressive now in no way means she won't be in the future!.

Give her time! in the end she just might be one of the better sparring partners!.

Sue

**TCBA_Joe** · 10-11-2005, 12:18

thanks for the help people. no, i'm not the "instructor" but our club is set up considerably differant the most. i'm our club's go to guy, idea guy, and even though i dont teach MA, i am a ski instructor and i regularly work with people and know how people think when it comes to learning a new phsical skill and gaining confidence. i know how its done onsnow, i just was wondering how its done on the mat.

I guess I was just looking for ideas to pass to one of the clubs officers since we were just talking about it the other day. for all you people who say passivity is a bad thing in MA, i'm sorry, but girls who are passive in a real fight stand very little chance. we're not looking for a personality change, shes a great person. we were just wondering about being more aggressive when it comes to throwing a punch or having to hit someone. just curious is all. sorry it seems that i have somehow offended some of you.