Need some advice

**kumite** · 02-21-2006, 19:07

There is a tournament coming up in April that our school has attended for the past four years. I had not intended to compete at it. Last night, Brad,(head instuctor/owner of the school) comes in and tells us that by Thursday night's class he wants us to have chosen what kata and weapons kata we are going to do at the tournament. Then he looks at John and says, "Kushanku and a sword kata. Looks at Nathan and Nathan spoke up, "Kushanku and Tonfa kata." Brad looks at me and says "do a bo kata. " And walks off.

Last year he and I got into it because I didn't compete at this tournament. And because his son and several of the other kids did very poorly. I'm talking he was spitting and screaming at me in front of my girlfriend. He did everything but call me a coward for not competing. After that I decided I would not do another tournament as long as I'm with his school. We have never discussed that day. Now, I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Besides it being his school, I also have worked for him for about 6 years. If I tell him I'm not competeing he may just yell and scream. He may have one of the other guys beat the hell out of me. Or he may make things living hell for me at work.

Does anyone have any advice on how I might handle this? Right now, I leaning toward telling him I'm not competing and putting up with the yelling. If he tries to sic one of the other guys on me, I'll walk out if possible. If he makes it hard at work, that's probably the most difficult of all. I'm not in a financial situation to be able to lose my job. I don't want to leave the school or my job, but I don't want to compromise my self respct further than I already have.
Billy

**Gene Williams** · 02-21-2006, 19:10

Originally Posted by kumite

There is a tournament coming up in April that our school has attended for the past four years. I had not intended to compete at it. Last night, Brad,(head instuctor/owner of the school) comes in and tells us that by Thursday night's class he wants us to have chosen what kata and weapons kata we are going to do at the tournament. Then he looks at John and says, "Kushanku and a sword kata. Looks at Nathan and Nathan spoke up, "Kushanku and Tonfa kata." Brad looks at me and says "do a bo kata. " And walks off.

Last year he and I got into it because I didn't compete at this tournament. And because his son and several of the other kids did very poorly. I'm talking he was spitting and screaming at me in front of my girlfriend. He did everything but call me a coward for not competing. After that I decided I would not do another tournament as long as I'm with his school. We have never discussed that day. Now, I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Besides it being his school, I also have worked for him for about 6 years. If I tell him I'm not competeing he may just yell and scream. He may have one of the other guys beat the hell out of me. Or he may make things living hell for me at work.

Does anyone have any advice on how I might handle this? Right now, I leaning toward telling him I'm not competing and putting up with the yelling. If he tries to sic one of the other guys on me, I'll walk out if possible. If he makes it hard at work, that's probably the most difficult of all. I'm not in a financial situation to be able to lose my job. I don't want to leave the school or my job, but I don't want to compromise my self respct further than I already have.
Billy

Find a new school. Your instructor is a rectum and an idiot.

**TonyU** · 02-21-2006, 19:26

Originally Posted by Gene Williams

Find a new school. Your instructor is a rectum and an idiot.

I agree wholeheartedly.
That is not a conduct becoming of a professional.

**R. Johnson** · 02-21-2006, 19:46

Originally Posted by Gene Williams

Find a new school. Your instructor is a rectum and an idiot.

Wow...rectum...I like that, it's funny. I agree, finding a new school would be good, I'm just concerned about how this will affect your job, it is a tough situation.

**Dennis Monk** · 02-21-2006, 20:05

Lead him to believe that you are really into it. Get him to purchase all new equipment and uniform to use in the competition. Allow himself to develop on over confident air about himself and brag to his colleagues. The morning of the competition, after he has paid your entry fee; pull a hamstring, have to drop out of the meet and drop him as an instructor.

**Gene Williams** · 02-21-2006, 20:34

Do it!!!

**Ficer67** · 02-22-2006, 06:55

I am not going into detail about my experience unless you really want me to. I will talk about it later.

Like you, I worked with the guy. He wanted to use is black belt to suggest that I was inferior to him at work. Because the manager was in the class too, he tended to belive that a black belt made a better electrical designer, than someone else. I was doing most of his work and all of mine at the time. I don't work there anymore.

In your situation you are doubly under fire because this person is your boss. He cannot behave in a respectful manner to you for school. There is going to come a time when this behavior will leave the bounds of class and he will start being a jackass at work too. But, you cannot allow his disrespectful attitude compromise your future. So, you have to bite your tongue. The only way to be rid of his disrespectful behavior is to find another job and then find another school, if you are still into this sort of thing. He may one day realize that he made a mistake, but even if he does he is not going to change.

Do yourself a favor now, and find another job. And, the moment your financial obligation to him is complete, find another instructor. He will apologize to you, he will jump sommersaults to try and keep you in his class, he will do all kinds of things to try and keep some control over you, but you must leave and never talk with him again.

No matter what a jackass does, he is never going to stop being a jackass.

**Gene Williams** · 02-22-2006, 06:59

Originally Posted by Ficer67

I am not going into detail about my experience unless you really want me to. I will talk about it later.

Like you, I worked with the guy. He wanted to use is black belt to suggest that I was inferior to him at work. Because the manager was in the class too, he tended to belive that a black belt made a better electrical designer, than someone else. I was doing most of his work and all of mine at the time. I don't work there anymore.

In your situation you are doubly under fire because this person is your boss. He cannot behave in a respectful manner to you for school. There is going to come a time when this behavior will leave the bounds of class and he will start being a jackass at work too. But, you cannot allow his disrespectful attitude compromise your future. So, you have to bite your tongue. The only way to be rid of his disrespectful behavior is to find another job and then find another school, if you are still into this sort of thing. He may one day realize that he made a mistake, but even if he does he is not going to change.

Do yourself a favor now, and find another job. And, the moment your financial obligation to him is complete, find another instructor. He will apologize to you, he will jump sommersaults to try and keep you in his class, he will do all kinds of things to try and keep some control over you, but you must leave and never talk with him again.

No matter what a jackass does, he is never going to stop being a jackass.

That is excellent advice. It is true for everyone in such a situation.

**Brian R. VanCise** · 02-22-2006, 07:29

I would just say, "hey I can't compete that day" and see what happens.
If he is a jerk about it, then I would look for a new school. If he were to let this negatively impact work then I would be looking for a new job. Bottom line, what he did by screaming at you and treating you poorly in front of others is just unacceptable. At that moment I would have been looking for a new school. Since you have come this far since that time and you are not interested in competing then tell him you are not going to compete at the tournament and make a decision on what to do based on his reaction. No one should try and bully you into doing something that you do not want to do.

Brian R. VanCise
www.instinctiveresponsetraining.com

**jakmak52** · 02-22-2006, 08:12

Find a new dojo

I consider his conduct inappropiate and unprofessional bordering on desrespecting you as an underbelt and the art as well. I have been competing since 1994 and it has always been an elective for me, displaying my highest ranking kata/forms etc. However, different schools have different views and protocols concerning tournament participation.

**Tony Dismukes** · 02-23-2006, 11:33

I have to agree with everyone else. Working for an abusive ******* is no fun. Studying under an abusive ******* is pointless. If you can find a new job and a new school, you'll improve your quality of life quite a bit.

**Eliz** · 02-23-2006, 14:22

With all due respect, your instructor sounds like a jerk. Is he this verbally abusive towards you [and others] in the work place?

Go with Dennis Monk's suggestion! Instead of an injury though, I would get some flu like symptoms that will be cleared up by time you return to work.