Parents Arguing

**mindandbody** · 04-27-2006, 21:23

Set up:
Class was in session. Students were going through their forms. Two students, same age -12- same rank - brown - one male, one female. Females mother was watching class. The mother and sister -age 16- of another student were also watching class. The 2 brown belts perform their form at the same time.

2 sides of the story:
1. Mother of female - Stated the daughter said 'Johnny is better than Sue'. And daughter gave her a dirty look.

2. Mother and daughter state they were watching class - no dirty looks were given. Daughter stated 'Johnny is good.' Females mother came up to daughter and stated 'I heard what you stated you GD B$&*^h! If you were my daughter I would take you outside'.

After class the 2 parents go to the back of the school and begin to talk - were not yelling - just talking and beginning to get mouthy. Daughter and mother stating they did not say anything. Females mother stating she knows what she heard. Mother of daughter went out back to leave the situation alone. Females mother went up to daughter and stated ' I know what you said. I don't have any problems with my hearing. Everything is OK between us, I am not mad at you. You don't need to be making comments like that especially with parents sitting there'.

I was in class - did not know what was happening. Program director heard the 2 talking and separated them. Without knowing what was going on - I was at the counter when the females mother confronted the daughter before she left. The daughter just stood there. The mother finally walked off. It was not until then I find out what happened. I wouldn't put it past the teenager daughter to say something like that. It is a she said, she said deal. I don't know who said what nor who to believe. These two parents are in class with their children at least 2 times a week. What can I do to put a stop to the drama??

**Gene Williams** · 04-27-2006, 22:01

Sounds like McDojo stuff to me.

**Dennis Monk** · 04-27-2006, 22:02

Depends: Are you the instructor?
If so, talk to both involved and tell them that if anything like that happens again, all parties involved will be asked to leave and not come back.

If not, stay out of it. Don't let it affect you, and hope your instructor follows my suggestion above.

Good luck.

**Webmaster** · 04-27-2006, 22:12

I had a similar issue come up with my children's class. I had a little talk with them and simply told them that their comments concerning other children in class were not welcome and were disruptive. I asked them to knock it off or I would not allow parents to observe. Since I have the support of the YMCA's director on this, it was a simple matter to put it to a stop.

**Gordon Nore** · 04-27-2006, 22:17

Originally Posted by Webmaster

...I had a little talk with them and simply told them that their comments concerning other children in class were not welcome and were disruptive. I asked them to knock it off or I would not allow parents to observe. Since I have the support of the YMCA's director on this, it was a simple matter to put it to a stop.

Just like the years when we had our son in little league. Parents who can't behave need to be bounced. They're not doing their kids any favours.

**Gene Williams** · 04-27-2006, 22:32

I never took them under 12 and never encouraged parents to stick around. They were welcome, of course. The dojo atmosphere just wasn't conducive to that. If that had happened in my dojo, I would have told the parent to leave, take the kid, and don't come back.

**Webmaster** · 04-27-2006, 22:35

Originally Posted by Gene Williams

I never took them under 12 and never encouraged parents to stick around. They were welcome, of course. The dojo atmosphere just wasn't conducive to that. If that had happened in my dojo, I would have told the parent to leave, take the kid, and don't come back.

Since I teach at a YMCA, I am expected to have a program for all ages. Having a kids class is part of the price you pay to have a class at a YMCA. Besides, if I did not have a youth Judo class, they would probably just put a TKD class there and that would mean a "foot in the door" and a whole lot more baby black belts!

**Dennis Monk** · 04-27-2006, 22:37

Originally Posted by Webmaster

Besides, if I did not have a youth Judo class, they would probably just put a TKD class there and that would mean a "foot in the door" and a whole lot more baby black belts!

As I sit here gently chuckling......

**Eliz** · 04-27-2006, 22:38

If you MUST be involved, go with Robert's advice. If there is a Senior Instructor or someone like that, that person should realistically be dealing with it.

**Gene Williams** · 04-27-2006, 22:39

True enough, Robert. I taught at a rec center starting out, but they didn't set age limits for me. I guess I was lucky to have my own dojo for so long. But, I've never had those kinds of problems. My problems were idiots from off the street and from other dojo, and some occasional harsh words between my students, which were quickly squashed by my seniors.

**Eliz** · 04-27-2006, 22:44

Our biggest problem are divorced parents who quite literally can't sit in the same room without getting into it. Not as easy to confront as you know someone's emotions are weighing precariously in the middle. I usually try to discreatly wave them away. Than they start arguing about that....

**Webmaster** · 04-27-2006, 22:45

Originally Posted by Gene Williams

True enough, Robert. I taught at a rec center starting out, but they didn't set age limits for me. I guess I was lucky to have my own dojo for so long. But, I've never had those kinds of problems. My problems were idiots from off the street and from other dojo, and some occasional harsh words between my students, which were quickly squashed by my seniors.

Off topic now... but we rarely have problems with bozos coming in off the street. We do have folks from other dojo or with some MA experience come in. My little scheme is to find out what they have done in the past, and do just the opposite. For instance, an Aikido guy will get harsh "judo-like" throws and newaza. A Judo guy, we do lots of joint locks. Karate folks are even more fun, we start them out with harsh throws and move to harsh joint locks. I have found that this tends to keep them "off-balance", humble and less likely to give me problems.

**Webmaster** · 04-27-2006, 22:47

Originally Posted by Eliz Seuferling

Our biggest problem are divorced parents who quite literally can't sit in the same room without getting into it. Not as easy to confront as you know someone's emotions are weighing precariously in the middle. I usually try to discreatly wave them away. Than they start arguing about that....

Ack! What a messy situation! Best solution is to shoo them away and let them argue out in the parking lot. The kid(s) should not have to deal with that nonsense in the dojo.

**TonyU** · 04-27-2006, 22:56

Originally Posted by Webmaster

Karate folks are even more fun, we start them out with harsh throws and move to harsh joint locks.

Great! I was thinking of one day visiting, but I've changed my mind.

**mindandbody** · 04-28-2006, 02:22

Originally Posted by Gene Williams

Sounds like McDojo stuff to me.

I have had it, to be honest. Just like my other post you read something else into it that had nothing to do with the question. Just because there are 12 year old brown belts it is a McDojo? Sir, you do not know me, my instructor nor my school. You do not know anything about my personal life or if I do things to get 'attention'. I don't really know what the problem is you have with me, is it because I am a lesbian? Everyone said 'just ignore Gene, that is how he is...' Well sir, you are a grown man, act like it. The old excuse of that is 'just how he is' does not roll with me. People stated 'at least you know where you stand with Gene.' Well, I know where you stand with me, the bottom of the bucket.
I enjoy this forum, I love reading everyones threads and the replies. I do see the same people posting over and over. I believe I understand why. Really, if you are not into BJJ then whatever you are into sucks and should not be called martial arts. If you teach children you must be a McDojo. If you compete you are watered down. If you teach one thing not related to your specific art then you are disrespecting all of the arts.
As soon as I got home I posted this question. I really wanted to hear what everyone would have done. I am not the instructor, but I will be soon so I was wanting everyones take on the situation in case it ever happened with me. It is a shame this will be my last post due to some guy being a disrespectful, ego maniac, male chauvinist - please remove my account for I wish to no longer be a member. Thank you to the rest of you, Robert nice forum but just not for what I am looking for. Thank you to Jeff C. You know why.

**Webmaster** · 04-28-2006, 06:12

Thanks Gene. I think this one would make you an "ace" in the number of folks your attitude has managed to chase off.

Christy, my apologies for Gene and his outburst. In all honesty, it is not you, he makes remarks like this to everyone.

An important departing word of advice. If you are letting Gene's remarks tick you off and offend you, then I highly suggest that you try and grow some thicker skin before you become an instructor and open a school in a small town. Trust me, you will need it. I will close your account when I am done with this reply, but if you change your mind, just contact me privately.

**Gene Williams** · 04-28-2006, 06:13

What I wrote was no reflection on you personally. I didn't even remember your name to connect you to the famous lesbian thread. I guess I struck a nerve. My point is that, in a well run dojo that appeals to serious people and which has a disciplined training atmosphere these kinds of problems rarely arise. Your internal conflicts are showing.

I just saw Robert's post. People sure are granting me a lot of power if I can run them off of a thread from way out here in cyberspace. Damn! Talk about a no touch knockout!

**Rasputin** · 04-28-2006, 07:10

Originally Posted by Gene Williams

Sounds like McDojo stuff to me.

I think the problem is, you seem to lack the essential filter which lies between your brain and your fingers. The one that the rest of us have which keeps us from typing rude, obnoxious comments as they occur to us, no matter how true they might be.

Were it your mouth making these statements, the term would be "verbal diarrhea".

To put it another way: Gene, no matter who you are when you step away from your keyboard, you are not a nice person when your fingers touch the keys. Meditate on that one for a while.

"It is better to be tolerated than loved, if you cannot be both."

Gene Williams

**Gene Williams** · 04-28-2006, 07:25

Oh, Bull! By the way, the quote you signed my name beneath is not mine.

**Tony Dismukes** · 04-28-2006, 07:35

While I agree that Gene was out of line with his McDojo comment (which really has nothing to do with whether he's a male chauvinist), I think Christy must be confusing us with some other board in the rest of her comments.

Really, if you are not into BJJ then whatever you are into sucks and should not be called martial arts.

I don't recall seeing this put forth in any of our threads. In fact, this sort of style-bashing would be against the forum rules and lead to warnings and/or bannings. As a BJJ practitioner myself, I have frequently recommended other arts to people, based on their specific needs.

If you teach children you must be a McDojo. If you compete you are watered down.

Many of our members, including some of our moderators, teach children. Many of our members, including some of our moderators, compete or have competed. Discussions concerning the difference between competition and self-defence are usually civil and informative.

If you teach one thing not related to your specific art then you are disrespecting all of the arts.

I'm not even sure what this relates to. It doesn't ring any bells for me.