Saying Good-bye

[Eliz]

They say you have friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for life.

I have been a MA's instructor for 15 years and saying good-bye to some of my favorite students has always been a challenge for me. They were friends for a season. I know that....and I know we will not stay in touch. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

First off, I am addressing my adults. They are a smaller class and we are much more informal. They are all about the MA's - they already have plenty of discipline/structure in their lives. It is hard not to get woven into their fabric of life. I find myself invited to their parties, engaged in their chatter, and the next thing I know, their lives moves on and they are gone.

I would also like to add, I have a family of my own and many fine friends (for life). Teaching is not my only venue in life.

Do any of you have any secret strategy for dealing with this? If so, I am all ears.

[Adon4Ever]

What exactly is the sitch here? Are YOU leaving the school? Or are these students you're referring to leaving?

J/C, is all.


Josh

[Mr Depew]

I would like to say if you are talking about loosing some of your students, loosing a good student is tough, until another one walks in the door that need your help.

BUt if your talking about quiting, that sucks.

[Eliz]

What exactly is the sitch here? Are YOU leaving the school? Or are these students you're referring to leaving?

J/C, is all.


Josh

Good question. I should have been more clear. I am not leaving, but TWO of my long term adults are. They are actually staff, too. We have worked together, worked out together, socialized together, etc. I am their instructor too. The two people are not related...it is just timing.

[AndrewSimonsen]

Who says you won't keep in touch. I still regularly e-mail my old teacher. Give it a chance.

[Adon4Ever]

Oh, I see. Well, that's definitely tough too. Especially if it's a small, tight-knit group. I know what that's like, believe you me.

I too hate good-byes. But they're a part of life. I'm sure both you and the two others in question will do just fine in the end.


Josh

[X_plosion]

IMHO, If both sides sincerely desire to keep up contact after physical separation in a venue such as a close-knit school, there will be ways to keep in touch.

Today's technology such as the Internet is a great help in this case.

Best of luck. Hoping you'll be friends with them for always.

[Jeff C.]

Eliz, YOU are the leader of the class. Everyone is there for YOUR instruction; assistants help to impart YOUR instruction to others. When assistants leave, the remaining students are still there because of YOU.

When beloved students leave, it is sad. But I remind myself that I am there for ALL of my students, and I focus on the people who are still on my floor while still trying to maintain contact with the close ones who leave. A few of my close students who have left are teaching at their own schools now, and we still visit each other. One of them is so close that I consider her to be my closest family.

People come and go, relationships change. The dojo is but a microcosm of our life outside the dojo, where the same things happen.

My attitude? FIDO. Through your dojo/dojang time on the floor with students, you will make some of the closest friends you will ever have in your lifetime. It is an ongoing process of discovering and building relationships. It only ends when YOU leave the floor.

Jeff Cook

[WMKS Shogun]

I think that you should try to throw them a going away party, even if it is only for you, them, and the other staff (maybe a few adult students). I also agree that due to technology, it is easier to maintain contact with people. My first Sensei retired several years ago and we still keep in contact now and again.
Also, realize that life has ups and downs and that something new will come along to help ease the loss.

[Eliz]

Thanks everybody.

Usually what happens is we stay in touch for a while but eventually drift.

As for a party - hey, I am always up for a party. One of them isn't really going anywhere, however. Life is just interfering and things need to be reprioritized. I can certainly understand that.

What you say about new students coming in makes sense. Funny, but one new person just joined my class from another school and another just moved up from the beginner/intermediate adult class. I hadn't really thought of it as making room for the newer students, but that certainly is a new prespective.

My attitude? FIDO

I am not so sure I want to ask ... but what is FIDO?

[KayJay]

Thanks everybody.

I am not so sure I want to ask ... but what is FIDO?

If I know Jeff like I think I do, I'd say FIDO is "Forget It, Drive On." (or F*ck It, Drive On)

You have made a large impact on your friends/students lives, I hope they stay in contact with you...it would only seem like the right thing to do.

[Brian Dugger]

Rest assured, you being the "teacher"/venerate will not be forgotten and they will remember from time to time to call or darken the door. This I know for certain.

[Brian R. VanCise]

Eliz, YOU are the leader of the class. Everyone is there for YOUR instruction; assistants help to impart YOUR instruction to others. When assistants leave, the remaining students are still there because of YOU.

When beloved students leave, it is sad. But I remind myself that I am there for ALL of my students, and I focus on the people who are still on my floor while still trying to maintain contact with the close ones who leave. A few of my close students who have left are teaching at their own schools now, and we still visit each other. One of them is so close that I consider her to be my closest family.

People come and go, relationships change. The dojo is but a microcosm of our life outside the dojo, where the same things happen.

My attitude? FIDO. Through your dojo/dojang time on the floor with students, you will make some of the closest friends you will ever have in your lifetime. It is an ongoing process of discovering and building relationships. It only ends when YOU leave the floor.

Jeff Cook

Jeff summed it up very nicely. It is tough but we carry on and enjoy what we do.

[Eliz]

Rest assured, you being the "teacher"/venerate will not be forgotten and they will remember from time to time to call or darken the door. This I know for certain.

I sure hope so in this case.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eliz, YOU are the leader of the class. Everyone is there for YOUR instruction; assistants help to impart YOUR instruction to others. When assistants leave, the remaining students are still there because of YOU.

When beloved students leave, it is sad. But I remind myself that I am there for ALL of my students, and I focus on the people who are still on my floor while still trying to maintain contact with the close ones who leave. A few of my close students who have left are teaching at their own schools now, and we still visit each other. One of them is so close that I consider her to be my closest family.

People come and go, relationships change. The dojo is but a microcosm of our life outside the dojo, where the same things happen.

My attitude? FIDO. Through your dojo/dojang time on the floor with students, you will make some of the closest friends you will ever have in your lifetime. It is an ongoing process of discovering and building relationships. It only ends when YOU leave the floor.

I like that FIDO thing! I also like your whole take on the matter. Ohhh, to be you.

[Brian Dugger]

An additional thought, be certain to embrace these people and tell them you love them at the last moment of departure. The next moment isn't certain and if that is the last moment for either parties, they well have departed on perhaps the absolute best condition possible.

[Jeff C.]

That is excellent advice, Brian.

Jeff Cook

[turtle64]

[quote=Mr Depew;241143] I would like to say if you are talking about loosing some of your students, loosing a good student is tough, until another one walks in the door that need your help.

[FShekosky]

I wouldn't say that I have a formal strategy. Having owned a school for 17 years I just go into it knowing that students will come and go. Some stay longer than others and I just try and make the most of the time that I have with them. a fair number have stayed in touch however and that makes me feel great, hearing from them from time to time.

[Eliz]

It is nice to see this thread have new life. Thanks, everyone!

No, I do not keep in touch with the two aforementioned students. For starters, I am really bad about keeping in touch with people. I know that - I have always been like that. Finally, I retired shortly after this thread was made and have been spending more time training in Hapkido. I still do a little Tae Kwon Do when I can. I love poomse and miss that training, but my hips are aging and aching and I do not miss the endless repetitions of kicks.

I still bump into former students frequently enough. I really feel my age when they introduce me to their spouses and children!

[DragonMind]

I have had the great honor of teaching in a number of settings for over 30 years. It amazes my wife when someone will come up to me in a store and say "Dr. McConnell, do you remember me? I was in your class back in..." and then introduce their kids or grandkids. I don't always recall the names right away but I usually know the face. I've had some tell me that I changed their lives and I gently correct them that they changed their lives, I was just a guide to help point the way.