an odd question

**mjc4490** · 12-26-2007, 11:19

Hey, I'm Maureen! I'm new here . . . I confess that I've been lurking stalkerishly for several months reading all the posts, but I finally got around to joining . . . huzzah!

So I have kind of an odd question -- I know I'm not an instructor, but it's kind of an issue for MY instructor, which is why I'm posting here.

I take Taekwondo at my high school -- it's actually a PE option, so it's part of our curriculum -- and we're all pretty tight in my class; we're basically family. Which is why I'm concerned -- five people have come up to me and told me that they've been cutting themselves up with razorblades. And apparently, it's not just them. It's apparently becoming kind of a dojang trend. It's apparently "cool" and they're quite proud of it.

I don't know what to do. Normally, I would just look the other way, (not my business, not my problem) but because it's becoming so widespread, and the fact that we're affiliated with a public school, changes the situation somewhat. I don't think this is appropriate behavior at all, especially in the dojang. But do I tell my instructor about it? Do I keep quiet? Do I inform the administration at my school?

I'm really very worried about this, but I can't handle it on my own, and I just don't know where, or if I even should, go seeking help.

**TonyU** · 12-26-2007, 11:28

Originally Posted by mjc4490

Hey, I'm Maureen! I'm new here . . . I confess that I've been lurking stalkerishly for several months reading all the posts, but I finally got around to joining . . . huzzah!

So I have kind of an odd question -- I know I'm not an instructor, but it's kind of an issue for MY instructor, which is why I'm posting here.

I take Taekwondo at my high school -- it's actually a PE option, so it's part of our curriculum -- and we're all pretty tight in my class; we're basically family. Which is why I'm concerned -- five people have come up to me and told me that they've been cutting themselves up with razorblades. And apparently, it's not just them. It's apparently becoming kind of a dojang trend. It's apparently "cool" and they're quite proud of it.

I don't know what to do. Normally, I would just look the other way, (not my business, not my problem) but because it's becoming so widespread, and the fact that we're affiliated with a public school, changes the situation somewhat. I don't think this is appropriate behavior at all, especially in the dojang. But do I tell my instructor about it? Do I keep quiet? Do I inform the administration at my school?

I'm really very worried about this, but I can't handle it on my own, and I just don't know where, or if I even should, go seeking help.

Actually it's not only odd but disturbing as well. I've never heard of a trend like this. Usually there's an underlying problem with people wanting to hurt themselves. The only thing I can think of is as of an initiation type one time thing. Either way it's wrong and dangerous.
Please go and inform and adult immediately. If you have to, tell your parents about this and they should also immediately inform the administration.
Good luck.

**Jay Bell** · 12-26-2007, 11:43

Hi, Maureen. Welcome to Budoseek!

I'm not sure what it is about this emo generation that thinks that cutting is "cool", but I'm convinced not enough hugs went around with these kids at home. It really baffles me..

As far as your predicament, that's a tough call. Are they doing the cutting at school...or on their own time? How is it that in a physical class like martial arts that the people in charge aren't seeing these cuts?

**sean_stonehart** · 12-26-2007, 11:44

Absolutely what TonyU said.

This needs to be addressed on the adult level with trained counseling professionals.

Kudos to you for being concerned about your classmates enough to ask, but I'd run not walk to the school counselors & let them do what they do. Don't worry about the peer group fallout (if any) because it's not worth it.

There's an addage from Southern China about learning martial arts:

Hok Yun - Learn Kindness
Hok Yi - Learn Fellowship
Hok Gung Fu - Learn Gung fu

You've already exhibited those traits in having concern & wanting to help your classmates. Help get them the proper attention (professional) & feel good about having the karma wheel swing your way.

**Prince Loeffler** · 12-26-2007, 12:06

Maureen, My only question is:

First, read and re-read Mr. Urena's advice !

Secondly, Who is starting this trend in your Dojang ? The student(s) or Instructor ?

Its a dangerous trend Maureen regardless who starts it, there are two things and two thing you can do and must do. If you must, you can request anonimity.

1) Quit
2) Report to the School Authority ( Principal, teachers, Police )

**mjc4490** · 12-26-2007, 12:13

Thanks for the advice, everyone. Now that I've had second opinions, I'll definitely go tell someone else!

From what I understand, they're doing the cutting at school AND on their own time. And the reason that nobody sees is because even though it's a physical class, those doboks DO have long sleeves/pants -- even if there's a cut shown here and there, nobody thinks twice about one or two cuts. Somebody probably just has a very artistic cat, if you know what I mean.

My instructor definitely did not start this trend; it's definitely the students. I believe I can trace it back to one student in particular, but I'm not certain and I'm hesitant to point the finger. I don't know if this is some kind of hazing ritual or if everybody just thinks it's cool and is jumping on the bandwagon.

**Erik** · 12-26-2007, 12:28

You could inform anonymously. Then you wouldn't be "blamed" for the discovery.

You would have to keep your mouth shut, though, with your classmates or they might be upset with you.

Less important who started the trend, more important who is involved.

I respect that you have noticed and that you care, Maureen. Teen agers do strange things sometimes and don't always realize what they are doing is unhealthy. Glad you have your head screwed on straight.

**dao** · 12-26-2007, 14:02

I also think you are right to be concerned. I also think getting adults involved is a good idea. I think it would also be a good idea to give the adult you tell information about the behavior. Even a cursory search will turn up lots of information on it but, I can also refer you to some websites (if you'd like them contact me by PM).

In addition to being scary, cutting and other types of self-harm are dangerous (among other problems there are extremely high rates of infection of the cuts) and unfortunately do seem to be becoming more common. It is definitely not cool. While not always part of a mental disorder habitual self-harm can be a symptom of several including: borderline personality disorder and manic-depression. Also cutting is not uncommon among people with eating disorders.

**jjaje** · 12-26-2007, 14:04

Tell an adult. You don't know if something like this will escalate into something worse. You also don't want to be in a position of having something worse happen, and for the rest of your life telling yourself, "I wish I had told someone."

Tell an adult, school administrator, whatever. Do it anonymously if you feel you can't do it face to face.

Also, there is an anonymous Teen Line Hotline. I just think it would be better to tell an adult closer to you and the others.
http://www.teenlineonline.com/newsev...tem=news&id=11

**nirgle** · 12-26-2007, 15:53

In grade school, about 12 years ago, there was a fad test going around called the "wimp test." You closed one fist and ran the nail of your middle finger up and down the back of your fist just as though you were scratching a scratch-ticket. After a couple of minutes the mark you were making would start to openly bleed. If you stopped doing it before the top of your hand started bleeding, you were a "wimp," otherwise you were one of those who passed the test and were presumably "tough."

After enough time, the authorities noticed the pattern going around and the principal stopped into every glass to give the speech on the true "wimps"... the ones who succumbed to doing the test to begin with.

I'm not a psychologist now and I wasn't one back then, but I had no feeling at all that there was any underlying psychological trouble. It was just kids getting an ego boost out of passing (or at least attempting) the test that mattered.

It wouldn't surprise me if this trend in your club was the same type of thing. I do hope nobody gets seriously hurt before the novelty wears off.

**Abbax8** · 12-26-2007, 16:26

Self abuse like cutting and head banging is serious. I work in the MH ffield and many of the patients I have cared for have had serious self abusive behaviors. Besides the immediate danger, there are long term concerns. I know many patients who banged their heads once to often, they are confined to wheelchairs and carts because of neurological damage. Scar tissue that forms from frequent injuries will eventually not stitch properly and will open at the slightest bump.

Such behavior screams for intervention from trained professionals. Untreated it can lead to worse situations.

Peace

Dennis

**mjc4490** · 12-26-2007, 17:41

Thanks for all the great replies, everyone.

So I sent off an e-mail (not anonymous; that seemed kind of terse while I was writing it, and I figure if they need to find out more information they'll want my name) to our resident school psychologist explaining the situation and giving the names of the kids who I knew were specifically doing it. No reply, and I'm not expecting one -- I guess we'll find out what happens once the students start spreading the rumors. Unfortunately, we're on winter break right now and school doesn't actually start up again until the seventh.

But anyway, thanks again for all the helpful advice!

**Erik** · 12-26-2007, 17:47

You may wish to send a follow-up email requesting that your name stay private. Then, I'd avoid the subject with your school/TKD-mates.

That being said, GOOD FOR YOU for caring and being brave enough to SPEAK UP. I'm proud of you and glad there are "kids" like you ("kids" in quotes as you just showed that you're more than just a kid.)

**Prince Loeffler** · 12-26-2007, 18:29

Originally Posted by Erik

You may wish to send a follow-up email requesting that your name stay private. Then, I'd avoid the subject with your school/TKD-mates.

That being said, GOOD FOR YOU for caring and being brave enough to SPEAK UP. I'm proud of you and glad there are "kids" like you ("kids" in quotes as you just showed that you're more than just a kid.)

To repeat what Eric said ! Great Job !

**dao** · 12-26-2007, 19:04

Echos what Eric said. I'm glad that there are people like you "out there" looking out for others

**Nina** · 12-26-2007, 19:09

Hi Maureen!
I think that you handled absolutely right!
I guess that the scenario you described is from most of the people a test of courage, otherwise they wouldn`t have told you, or are they very close friends? If someone harms themself, because of serious issues, they try to hide it, as far as I know, but nevertheless I can imagine that reasons to start it can change if the desired effect occurs.

**mjc4490** · 12-26-2007, 19:25

Thanks for all the kind words, everybody. I feel a LOT better now . . . albeit still concerned about my friends.

Okay, now, nobody laugh when I mess up this whole quoting business.

Originally Posted by Nina

Hi Maureen!
I think that you handled absolutely right!
I guess that the scenario you described is from most of the people a test of courage, otherwise they wouldn`t have told you, or are they very close friends? If someone harms themself, because of serious issues, they try to hide it, as far as I know, but nevertheless I can imagine that reasons to start it can change if the desired effect occurs.

We're all pretty much best friends in the dojang, but the person that I think started the trend isn't one of my closest. I'm pretty sure he told me because he wanted to shock me -- it had that effect, anyway. The second person who mentioned it to me just said, "Ow, my arm hurts," and when I asked her why, she showed me. Don't know what I'm supposed to get out of THAT.

But from what I've heard from all of them, they think it's "cool" and "hardcore" so it probably is a courage thing, at least somewhat. Unless perhaps they think disfiguring scars are attractive, and it's thereby a fashion thing? I have no idea. I'm just nervous about what's going to happen now.

**Eliz** · 12-26-2007, 21:24

Originally Posted by mjc4490

five people have come up to me and told me that they've been cutting themselves up with razorblades. And apparently, it's not just them. It's apparently becoming kind of a dojang trend. It's apparently "cool" and they're quite proud of it.

I don't know what to do. Normally, I would just look the other way, (not my business, not my problem) but because it's becoming so widespread, and the fact that we're affiliated with a public school, changes the situation somewhat. I don't think this is appropriate behavior at all, especially in the dojang. But do I tell my instructor about it? Do I keep quiet? Do I inform the administration at my school?

I'm really very worried about this, but I can't handle it on my own, and I just don't know where, or if I even should, go seeking help.

Cutting = Imo (sp?). As far as I know, it is cool to be Imo. Don't ask me, I only know about the trends, I don't invent them. As a parent of HS kids and an instructor of HS students, I make sure I stay current. Imo = wierd.

How old is your instructor? Is he qualified to handle these issues? My son is a Varsity Wrestler and I can tell you right now, I wouldn't tell that coach diddly squat. I know he has proper credentials (degrees), but he is young and has no sense.

Why does a public school affiliation change things?

Communicate your concerns (to someone qualified), but don't get dragged into their problems. If 5 people came to you and personally told you they are cutting, I would tend to think they are trying to drag you into their problems.

**Scott Bolinger** · 06-10-2009, 09:24

thats something that you should diffenatly tell your instructor about.

if thats happening and it's looked at as being affiliated with your martial arts program, could end up putting that program at risk. Let the instructor know and try and fix the problem.