New instructor bio, objective opinons wanted

[Don Roley]

Hello,
I just returned from Japan this week. On my last night I had dinner with my mother in law, sister in law and her husband. There was a bit of tension as the old battleaxe dropped the bomb that she had an English to Japanese translation program and wondered why my site said that I hated my mother. The guy to whom she is also a mother in law helped run interference and we either convinced her that such programs are unreliable or I dropped enough hints that she realized that if she ever wanted to see her only grandkids again she would deal with me on my terms.
But to try to keep peace I redid my web site and got rid of something that was most positively commented on. Instead I made an entire page about me. What I want from the objective but honest folks here is whether it is over the top in terms of marketing or not. I am not wishing to attract a lot of students, only those I feel will stay with the Bujinkan for the rest of their lives and help pass along the lessons they learn.

Please be honest, I can take the flak. I honestly feel I have praised myself too much. If you can tell me how to attract the types of students I want without sounding like an egotistical ******* I honestly will be grateful. Please help me to serve only those that I can help to teach the art 20 years from now instead of just helping to pay my bills.


http://web.me.com/keldaerismaster/Co...nstructor.html

[sean_stonehart]

Hello,
I just returned from Japan this week. On my last night I had dinner with my mother in law, sister in law and her husband. There was a bit of tension as the old battleaxe dropped the bomb that she had an English to Japanese translation program and wondered why my site said that I hated my mother. The guy to whom she is also a mother in law helped run interference and we either convinced her that such programs are unreliable or I dropped enough hints that she realized that if she ever wanted to see her only grandkids again she would deal with me on my terms.
But to try to keep peace I redid my web site and got rid of something that was most positively commented on. Instead I made an entire page about me. What I want from the objective but honest folks here is whether it is over the top in terms of marketing or not. I am not wishing to attract a lot of students, only those I feel will stay with the Bujinkan for the rest of their lives and help pass along the lessons they learn.

Please be honest, I can take the flak. I honestly feel I have praised myself too much. If you can tell me how to attract the types of students I want without sounding like an egotistical ******* I honestly will be grateful. Please help me to serve only those that I can help to teach the art 20 years from now instead of just helping to pay my bills.


http://web.me.com/keldaerismaster/Co...nstructor.html

Looks good to me Larry... can you teach me to walk on rice paper & not leave a mark??? BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH

Seriously it's not any close to self-aggrandizement as I've seen in others with less of a background.

[Webmaster]

Looks good Don! So what's the story of Larry?

[Tripitaka of AA]

As we can see from the Shiroi Tora Ryu nonsense, there are still instructors running around in backwoods claiming to be so deadly that they can hurt their students and call it training. Your biog tells me that you will teach me if I want to learn and that you know enough to let it speak for you. I like the job you have done. Sorry.. David Noble likes the way you have done the biog, Larry. It had enough humour and was aimed above the angst-ridden teenage superhero wannabe that other websites seem to be so good at targetting.

I don't see a schedule for the kiddies class, what's it called again? Oshime-shinobi? Diaper-Ninja?

[Don Roley]

Looks good Don! So what's the story of Larry?

Joke taken from the comic book series Badger.

http://www.comicvine.com/badger/29-29020/

[Abbax8]

It's good. If you feel the narrative on the home page is "you" then it is what you should go with it. Everyone has their own personality and it is best to present that on your web page.

Dennis

[Mekugi]

Having been to Madison extensively, I can attest it's not that cool. My Dad grew up on Powers Avenue...nuff said.

Anyway, the site looks good!

That being said...what I would do:

-Even up the links at the top. On my screen they all pull to the left...

-Darkening up the main text would make it easier to read, however you would have to tweak that to make it work. Just saying it is easy, doing it another thing.

- I would get some better pics (like the one on the bottom in yoroi) and bring them in close-up. Right now they are kind of tiny, so the backdrop steals the attention, IMHO. Acton sells. That would make it pop out for sure! It's working on the top, here: http://web.me.com/keldaerismaster/Co...n/Welcome.html

-Which is the top page? http://web.me.com/keldaerismaster/Co...n/Welcome.html ? This has a drastic style change...while that is not bad I want to see a transition.

Sorry about this- it's not like I can do any better, just giving you my 'stoopid' opinion.

-Russ

[Jonathan Randall]

I like it. There's enough to establish your bona fides without coming even close to being self-aggrandizing. You might consider adding a bit about your family or rather the importance of family in your life. That may help to attract more of the sort of student you are looking for. I could be wrong, but it's just a thought.

[Don Roley]

Thanks for the advice! I am working off of a program made for idiots, so I can't do a lot with some things like text coloring. All I can do is drop text and photos in at pre arranged areas.

I might drop the page layout and use another one closer to the welcome page since as Russ points out they are different styles. I will have to think about it and see what else I can do.

Again, thanks.

[Brian R. VanCise]

I like it Don and your sense of humor rings through!

[rainesr]

The article is fine, a little personality is better than a bullet list of qualifications. The site is easy to navigate, info is a click or two away which is perfect. The only issue I see is the contrast between the grey text and grey background, the top left where it is lighter. It is definitely readable but was a little rough on my eyes. Could be my old monitor though.

~Rob

[Harlan]

I liked it, but as a resume it almost reads like an essay.

Best line: "The Japanese in Japan let many Bujinkan people train with them, but there is only a few they consider their students and take extra responsibility for."

That's the heart of it, isn't it.